Mindfuck: The Definition of Coochie Cutters (NSFW)

So, class, here's the pop quiz question of the day: What part of Pam Anderson's gelatinous meat flaps isn't struggling to stay muzzled by her Baywatch slutsuit? I can hear her labia majora screaming for dear mercy, begging to surrender. If you look really closely, I think her taint is waving a white flag. It's official folks: her junk can't take too much more of this.s

Pam, that Ronald McDonald mask is pretty freaking, but for the record, I think people would rather see the lips you had surgically enhanced. Wait... no, that doesn't differentiate the two. Hmm... this one's hard. The point, bitch, is that if you're desire was the scare the shit out of people, you could've just projected a picture of your cougar slice onto the wall. The only way things could get anymore terrifying is if she walked out on her hands... who knows where her parts would have slide by the end of the runway? *Sighs*... gravity just can't be tricked, huh?

Is It Just Me, Or is Amber Rose Absolutely Disgusting?

I mean, if this is your forte, then by all means, go for it. Do what you like to do. But in all honesty, there is nothing appealing about milk-dud heads and Thriller contacts. At least not to me. Kanye is all over that shit.

Anyone else have a problem with Amber Rose wearing Xena's chakrams as earrings? Bitch could swing her head while giving head and chop off Kanye West's minuscule nutsack. Then we would all join arm in arm and sing "How could you so nutless?" whenever his music came on.

And while she's emasculating Kanye West more than Kanye West himself did at the VMAs, I hope that chakram whips back and chops off the ugly bitch's head. Or at least her dick-sucking lips, which take up a disproportionate amount of her face.

Since when is Cellulite Attractive?

Who do I blame for Amber Rose's massive delusions of grandeur? The Hip Hop Community. For years, the black man has relished in the proverbial "Fat Booty", with all its round, chunky goodness. However, the more it's become a sex symbol amongst the minority folk, the less women have been prone to take actually care of their badonks. The result is fatty ass just hanging out. BAM, MUTHAFUCKA! All in your face.

But on a more unacceptable note, Amber Rose's saggy ass titties are covered up by what? An orange string! People! NO! This is not acceptable. Her love handles are starting to make moves in directions opposite her body, her ass is losing an epic battle with gravity, and what does Amber Rose do hide the torment her torso is enduring? She shows that nasty shit off to the world.

Well no thanks, Amber. Go find whatever curtain you ripped that string cutting into your fuck cut from, and try to wrap that shit around at least the lower portion of your fat ass cakes. Show some goddamn mercy. FUCK.

Or you could just have Kanye's massive lips suck the fat right out of you like that laser liposuction Kim Kardashian got on her show. That would be OK, too. And put a bra on too, while your at it. We don't want to see your chest ass, either.

Few Creatures Turn Me On Like This Thing Does

Yum. I would love to run my tongue all over her freckly, porous, and bumpy chesticles. And please, bring that brachial gelatin closer to my face! I'm turned on just thinking about it.

But on a more serious note, let's play a game called "How I Know Your Hair Is Fake":

Your eyebrows don't match.
The hair color on top of your hair doesn't match the hair color next to your head.
I can tell clip-on weave when I see it, boo boo. Tell me how you have a small amount of straight hair on top of your head, and tons of curly interlocked weave behind your head!

If you can't tell, I just went on a complete binge of DListed.com. You should do the same.

Alert: B-BALL BOOBIES!

Damn, Katey Price. These are some tig ole bitties! This is completely unacceptable. I should not be able to rip your titties off and dribble them down half court! You have your weave all falling into your cleavage crevasse. You are a mess. I feel like she walked into the doctor's office and was like "put 3 implants in each tit".

Parents: Hide the Children. Unless you want them to cut off her breasts and play dodgeball with them.

It's Only A Matter of Time Before Disney Releases You From Your Contract

It was only a matter of time before the pressure Disney's contract put on Miley Cyrus became too much for her libido to take. She's been slutting it up big time for the camera, so much that I had to add like 8ish pics or so of her being a complete teen whore. I don't mind it, Miley. We're all kinda whorey. But you are famous, and 16, and whorey. That's even more fun. And warrents more attention.

Thank God you are actually kinda good looking. Or else you would get it sooooooo much worse! You are still a camera whore though!

PS: I love the watermark on some of the pics. It says "TrainReq" LMFAO!!! They completely called that one. They should put that watermark on Baldy Britney pics also.

True Life: I Married for Money

Don't tell me CoCo looked at Ice-T and said, "I think he's a nice guy". No, she's a golddigger. Someone of her physical caliber could get with almost any guy she wanted to, but she settled for Ice-T. She'll suck dick for money, and that's a fact.

Saggy chesticles are on full display!

Question: Who's boobs are bigger? Leave your thoughts!

Alert: Put Your Titties Away

We are going back in time to relive the good days, where Lil Kim had even less shame and moral construct than she does now. Blond weave, plastic-surgery-wound-cover-up makeup, botoxed lips, messy armpits, TIG OLE BITTIES, and a slut piercing. Where are folks with the balls to do this these days? Lil Kim has proven that the term "Chesticles" can apply to "women" (if that's what you call this) as well.

The only thing funnier than her is all the people in the background trying to catch a glance at just what the fuck this crazy-ass skank walked in the damn building wearing. Kudos, Kim! We can't take our eyes off of you. Even though we want to.

Parents: Hide the Children.

I'll let the tags do the talking.

THE DEFINITION OF CHESTICLES!

His pecs actually look like balls when he flexs them! Not a good look.

The Breasts of Man...Again.

People are not getting it. There is nothing acceptable about having your hairy chesticles/nipples all out in public. Wearing a see-through mesh shirt is not only terribly inconsiderate to all the people around you who, now confused, thought that see-through mesh muscle shirts died with "I'm Too Sexy", but is also a prime target for my anger and ranting (speaking of ranting, go visit projectrant.com. It's quite funny.)

Jude Law is a criminal for doing this to us. This may not transgress as much as Adrien Brody's cardigan fug-up (see "Breasts of Man", but this is still quite dispicable. See-through? For real though?

I can't take it. Simply not cute. Well, as long as he isn't pulling this BS in America, I'll be fine. Keep this hairy shit in EUROPE.

New Tag: "Chesticles". You guys have earned it.

The Breasts of Man

I have absolutely no problem with men working out and having a body that is worth showing off, nor do I have a problem with it being shown off in the right situation and in the right way. This is not that case, at all.

Adrien Brody thought it might be fun and hip to flaunt his chesticles with a cardigan a silk scarf at the Boss Orange show (Berlin Fashion Week, I assume). He was wrong. A sweater should not be about a centimeter from exposing your nipples. That delicate silk scarf is the perfect way to say "despite my beard, I am a woman". And no matter how attractive your muscular chest may appear, that takes no attention away from your withdrawal-symptom eye bags. Or your derelict beard.

Hugo Boss is classy. Why not follow suit? Shave and COVER THE FUCK UP. Keep your slightly hairy areolas to yourself. Unless we're in that mood, of course.