Best of the '09 VMAs: Kanye West Ruins Taylor Swift's Life and Lady GaGa Ruins Everyone Else's

Kanye West makes his opinion known. And Taylor Swift's ass is dead silent. Like someone just slapped the fuck out of her. Or at least that's a good equivalent. Too bad Kanye didn't win anything all night (which I thought was a bit unfair), because shit would've hit the fan so hard Pink's trapeze-flipping ass would've gotten slapped by a mud pie in mid-air.



By the end of Lady Buttsexxx's "artistic" performance, I was crying. I don't know why, but this is complete rape of the senses. Mindfuck. Alert. You name it. This is very well as ridiculous as it gets. I thought that bitch ahd a quick stroke in mid-air. She was so... still. Very scary. And when she is playing piano, she looks like she's possessed by a epileptic hermaphrodite.


And this, my friends, is why I watch this bizarr-o ass crazy shit every fucking year.

Mindfuck: Lady GaGa Needs to Trim Her GaGa

In what world is this attractive? I take pity for the man, woman, or domesticated animal that finds a pink pube bush attractive. Lady GaGa reinforces one thing: she's disgusting. And a hermy.

What's Her Excuse Today?

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Alert: Flowers Gone Wrong

In these situations, I love to let the tags do the talking. Look below, please.

What a Surprise

Lady Buttsexxx has her intimate sexual fetishes on public display again. Apparently, not being able to see, hear, or speak is a legit fashion statement. And a REAAAALLLL turn-on.

Seriously, I can't even be upset at Lady Rimjob anymore. She just continues to offend and transgress, as if she is looking to scare little children, offend religious sects, alienate and terrorize civilians all over, and simply bring pain to the average person's life.

I mean, was this to keep people from identifying you? Because this is a press conference, so you need to say who you are. Not that we didn't know when we saw that blond weave come floating in on top of an oddly-clad mannequin who's face was wrapped like it just got out of a rhinoplasty (which Lady Buttsexxx desperately needs).

Even if we could only see the blatant wig that this porn star is wearing, we would still be a bit uncomfortable and disturbed. Why do you do this to us, Lady? Why?

GO BACK TO YONKERS.

I Know I took a Little 4th of July Break But....

I'm back. And I've got plenty of ugliness for you to love. Let's start with the one and only Lady Buttsexxx, aka Lady GaGa. You already know what the fuck is up.

BAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Did this not scare you? Cuz it spooked the fuck out of me! The double layered Yoko Ono sunglasses really did me in, until I looked a little closer and what did I see? SHARPIE BROWS!!!! Those are drawn on, if you didn't notice.

This is just scary. It's fake on the top, whore on the bottom, and nothing cute anywhere to be found. Plus that bag has "99 cent discount store" written all over it.

Go get your split ends fixed. And take all that extra fabric off your shirt and cuffs. You have numerous blankets sewn onto your titties right now! Think of the children!!!

I think Lady Buttsexxx has had enough ugliness in her life to get her own tag.

"Greatest Hits: Lady Buttsexxx"

Alert: Lady Buttsex Looks Like a Fool

Damn. This chick just makes it too easy to hate. I admire that you have adventurous, off-kilter style, Lady Ga-Gag. I just don't admire how you make us have to look at it all the goddamn time.

Seriously, what the fuck are you doing walking around with a button made out of blond Yaki weave on your head? It's not OK. Keep that bullshit in Yonkers, sweety. No one wants to see that shit.

Lady Ga-Gag

There is no denying that Lady GaGa makes music that you can move to. But that is no excuse for walking around looking like a Soul Caliber character. Both her dress and that freaky keyboard monstrosity appear to be arts and crafts projects of third graders from the local Y. I could make that with cardboard and black finger paint. I SELL REAL CHEAP TOO FINEST QUALITY!!

It's OK, Lady. I would be gasping for air too if someone wrapped me tightly in aluminum foil. Put down your origami instruments and your hooker wig and go get some fresh air!