If This is the Best We Can Do, We're All Fucked.

In case you didn't know, and you needed a stereotypically jolly black lady with her interracial, minimum-wage earning back-up singers to make up an entire song and sing it for you, AIDS is bad and kills a lot of people!

Now I don't know about you, but if curing AIDS is what it will take to get people to stop doing stupid shit like this, then count me in. I wasn't feeling the whole "AIDS kills millions of people each year" shtick, but this bitch is cuckoo and she needs to be stopped. Fix the damn AIDS already, you bastards! We know you guys discovered the cure a long time ago and that you've been waiting for AIDS to kill off RuPaul and Adam Lambert before releasing it. But the world would be a much better place without these women singing along. As for RuPaul and Adam Lambert... they'll get theirs in due time.

Alert: Dead Wrong. Literally.

Now, I have seen some fucked up things in my life as well as the fake life I lead on the internet (you do it too, so don't judge), but this shit takes the cake by far. This was shown to me by a friend named Malik, and boy, is it offensive, disgusting, horrifying, and downright ugly.

As if black people needed another set back in the movement toward proving that we are a competent, useful race of human beings, these 10-16 year olds decided to undo Rosa Parks's work and shake their underdeveloped (or in the case of a few, shockingly overdeveloped) asses over peoples graves. What kinda ignorant country shit is this? And why, despite it all being way too horrible, do I laugh hysterically everytime the beat kicks in?

One bitch is galloping, one bitch is shaking her legs hoping the energy waves travel to her non-existent ass cheeks, one bitch just turned 10, and one bitch is a dude. When you figure out which one it is, you'll probably gasp. If you do, retweet this post or some shit and show me some love.

And when they start laying down on the graves... well, you'll just have to see for yourself. Thank the heavens that our nation allows us access to videos like this.

God Bless America!

Parents: Hide the Children.

Mindfuck: This Isn't Just Ugly, It's Scary, Pathetic, Deluded, and Downright Sloppy.

Welcome to the Hatred edition of Recent. Ugliness. Take a look at this documentary. Try not to barf, laugh, scoff, get angry, have a stroke, etc. within the first five minutes. If that hasn't fucked your mind into a million tiny pieces, set aside some time to watch this documentary from BBC on the inner workings of the Westboro Baptist Church.

There isn't much I can say about this without getting vehemently upset, but I don't think there is a better modern example of how one man can brainwash his family into justifying hatred AND being shocked when the hatred is redirected back at them. It's stunning, but definitely worth watching.

Sorry to not be funny and really poop on what could've been a great day for you, but I felt this is something that everyone should see.

Shit is pathetic.

It Must Really Be Hard Times....

Wait. No, hold the fuck on! Is this Keyshia Cole, who's been duping inner city women into buying albums with the same song repeated on it 10 times ("Love sucks. You broke my heart. I'm sad. I'm angry. I feel better. Actually, no, love sucks."), on the front of a box of hair relaxer?!?!?! What I mean to say is, are you so damn broke that you are willing to put your face on a box of a perm?

Negros, blacks, African Americans, darker types, coloreds, etc. listen up carefully. Just when I thought we as black people had moved past letting our celebrities show how little we as black people have come over the years, I have to see this bullshit! What is going to be next? Will Kanye West be on a bottle of cocoa butter? Will pig feet come with Beyonce on the jar? Will Jay-Z's face be on boxes of Newports? When are we going to realize that as soon as we let something like this happen, the world jumps on it and exacerbates it? This is truly shameful.

Keyshia, how much are they paying you? In fact, are they paying you at all? Or did you trade your face for coupons to the dollar store and a hook-up from the local crack dealer? Because only the latter is acceptable.

This is prime pickings for HotGhettoMess.com.

Stop Acting Like You Like It!

Us: Oh, yeah, Adam Lambert, you're so totally interested in whatever is between that beautiful woman's legs. Oh, yeah, you just love it, don't you?

Adam: Yes, I fucking love--umm, what you guys call it again? Va... va...?

Us: Vagina?

Adam: Oh, yeah... I guess.

(Little did we know that the "model" he was groping was actually a post-op transexual. That's right! Flown straight in from Thailand. We got it for a good price, too.)

But seriously, Adam Lambert, you couldn't possibly think that people might not view you as a flaming homosexual glam rock outcast who was runner-up on American Idol and hit notes higher than Whitney before she covered her bronchi in crack soot simply because you were seen on or around some lady parts, right?

Hint, hint, Adam: if you're looking for a penis, you'll never find one. Don't look down your pants, either... That one shriveled up in misery when Kris Allen won.

And This is Why I Didn't Accept My Mother's Friend Request on Facebook...

OH HELL NAW.

Is It Just Me, Or is Amber Rose Absolutely Disgusting?

I mean, if this is your forte, then by all means, go for it. Do what you like to do. But in all honesty, there is nothing appealing about milk-dud heads and Thriller contacts. At least not to me. Kanye is all over that shit.

Anyone else have a problem with Amber Rose wearing Xena's chakrams as earrings? Bitch could swing her head while giving head and chop off Kanye West's minuscule nutsack. Then we would all join arm in arm and sing "How could you so nutless?" whenever his music came on.

And while she's emasculating Kanye West more than Kanye West himself did at the VMAs, I hope that chakram whips back and chops off the ugly bitch's head. Or at least her dick-sucking lips, which take up a disproportionate amount of her face.

Mindfuck: Killin' Pussies

This is disgusting.

Sept. 1st Tip of the Day: What Not to Do With Cocoa Butter.

Well, if you are Steve Harvey, or look like Steve Harvey, or are black and bald... and old, you should not rub it all over your exposed upper body. Actually, your upper body shouldn't be exposed at all. Dear Mr. Gross Moustache Man, this is really not attractive. Who are trying to court? Why do you have your shirt off? Who recommended that you take your shirt off? Why did you bath in Oompa Loompa syrup? Why are you so shiny? Why are you so happy? Why are you here? As you can tell, my questions are both plentiful and unanswered.

So, my tip for today, in mathematical form to celebrate my going back to school ---> spray tan : cocoa butter :: water : oil

Proceed with caution.

PS: I know it has been a while but it's time to turn over a new leaf. I've made a location change, a surrounding change, and now I'm back on my feet. So no worries: I'll never leave you alone for more than a week ever again.

GQ Plays MJ

What better way to show tribute to someone? Put that person on the cover of one of the biggest magazines in print. Then, say said tributed person was only special during a specific point in time. Yeah!

I don't have much of an opinion on this. I think it's kinda funny that GQ still has balls enough to say stuff like that to a sensitive American public. Case in point: Jermaine Dupri. He didn't like the title very much at all, and voice his views on his Twitter. But only fools would follow him so he was pretty much talking to himself.

It's the cover of the new Sept. Issue, which is the most famous and popular issue of the magazine, which features a bagillion pages of the Fall Style Manual. So you're probably pretty tacky if you don't go get it.

Since when is Cellulite Attractive?

Who do I blame for Amber Rose's massive delusions of grandeur? The Hip Hop Community. For years, the black man has relished in the proverbial "Fat Booty", with all its round, chunky goodness. However, the more it's become a sex symbol amongst the minority folk, the less women have been prone to take actually care of their badonks. The result is fatty ass just hanging out. BAM, MUTHAFUCKA! All in your face.

But on a more unacceptable note, Amber Rose's saggy ass titties are covered up by what? An orange string! People! NO! This is not acceptable. Her love handles are starting to make moves in directions opposite her body, her ass is losing an epic battle with gravity, and what does Amber Rose do hide the torment her torso is enduring? She shows that nasty shit off to the world.

Well no thanks, Amber. Go find whatever curtain you ripped that string cutting into your fuck cut from, and try to wrap that shit around at least the lower portion of your fat ass cakes. Show some goddamn mercy. FUCK.

Or you could just have Kanye's massive lips suck the fat right out of you like that laser liposuction Kim Kardashian got on her show. That would be OK, too. And put a bra on too, while your at it. We don't want to see your chest ass, either.

Alert: Welcome To The Fiery Pits of Hell

Oh, yeah, baby, we've hit the jackpot. Down Syndrome Baby Gosselin has hit us with the big ones. He's shown us the real reason his wife hates him. The real reason America hates him. It's the pits. The dirty, stinky, funky, nasty, ugly pits, born from the recesses of Down Syndrome hell. How utterly disgusting.

Keep it coming, Jon. You make this toooooooo easy.

Alert: White People Spotted At 106 & Park

I wonder where they were trying to go and how they unluckily landed here...

But on a more serious note, Marlon Wayans and might-as-well-be-black actor Channing Tatum dragged their fearful caucasian costars into what might as well be a Black Panthers meeting to promote their latest movie, "GI Joe: Rise of Cobra", due in theaters this Friday. Will it be good? I wonder, I wonder.

Jessica Simpson is a Fool.

And this is why everyone should get Twitter.

God Bless America!

Alert: Down Syndrome Baby is Having Gender Issues

This is upsetting. He's as typically frumpy and tacky from the neck down as he usually is. But the face/head create a problem. you all know what that problem is. And we will simply leave it at that.

Points for Down Syndrome Baby: He's not wearing Ed Hardy or Christian Audigier. That's a good thing.

Jon and Kate ['s Accessories] Plus 8 [Abandoned Children].

Pity Case: Solange "The Name Sounds Familiar" Knowles

Apparently, not being able to sell albums when your sister's name automatically infers money was too much for Solange Knowles to deal with. This crazy bitch pulled a Britney and shaved her head! Note to Solange that person related to Beyonce: nothing you cut, destroy, remove, etc. can persuade people to purchase "Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams". Except maybe your life.

Chris Brown Needs Acting Classes

OK at about 0:20, your lips are gonna purse, your eyelids will sink, you will say one thing aloud, even if no one is around to hear you:

"Chris Brown needs to shut the fuck up".

Breezy,

This is why your lawyers told you not to say anything. They knew your wife-beating ass could not read teleprompters fast enough to add emotion also. You can only do one or the other. Take your time, brother....

But, alas, Rihanna's masochistic ass is watching this and going "I know he love me. He ain't gone hit me no mo'". Lies! He can't wait for the day his restraining order is gone and he can walk up on you and pop a gland in one of those tig ole bitties you've were showing everyone on July 4th. He wants to go WWE on your ass for calling the po-po when you disliked the pimp hand. You shoulda known he was gonna get sick of you and start throwing your ass from "Wall to Wall" (PUN!!!!).

And your crazy ass will be waiting there with "Hit Me" signs all over your body. You are foolish, Ri-Ri! Don't fall for this.

But on a more serious note, what hotel does the court have him working at with that jacket on? Not a good look.

Cyndi Lauper and Lil Kim Make Nelson Mandela Decapitate Himself

I mean how else would you eliminate the sensual onslaught provided to the eyes and ears by this shit?

Cyndi decided to go with a bleached Richard Simmons wig, dreamcatcher earrings, saggy titties, and an old voodoo priest's curtains for her tribute to Mandela. Then she got together with Lil' Kim in an attempt to permanently deafen the greater population of South Africa. Please listen, WITH THE VOLUME LOW! And get some tissue for when your ears start bleeding!

Damn, that's rough isn't it? I love how Lil' Kim's ghetto ass had to keep it hood and transitioned to an acoustic version of "Lighters Up". Instead of using a Ja-fake-an accent, she decided to bleet her performance like Mary's Little Lamb. She is singing all breathy like a fat person who just went for a run. Is she in labor?

When Cyndi Lauper starts singing "Lighters Up", her Richard Simmons wig gives up on her and begins catastrophically seizing atop her scalp. This is a mess, people!

Happy Birthday to Nelson Mandela! Now that these two chicks put you on Helen Keller status, you don't have to worry about being ambushed sensually like this again.

New Tag: "Close Your Mouth". I think it's well deserved.

Mindfuck: Lindsay Winehouse

Oh, I would pay whole fortunes to avoid having a picture of me that was this unflattering be published. But with cigarette prices these days, Lindsay had to make a choice. And now she is living with the consequences.

Phew. This so unfortunate looking. Complete mindfuck. And whoever took this went on iPhoto and upped the saturation levels. This bitch is glowing from head to toe!

Parents: definitely hide the children. Show them "Herbie Reloaded" and "The Parent Trap" and tell them it's not the same woman.

Damn, this is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson....

Alert: Flowers Gone Wrong

In these situations, I love to let the tags do the talking. Look below, please.