Alert: Tame That Mane!

There is nothing cute about Spencer Pratt's untamed mane. Did they just honeymoon in Africa? Only the Sahara could provide you with such beastly features and a perfect tan at the same time!

I suggest you go get a haircut. And some obedience classes so you don't throw a temper tantrum and burst Heidi's implant.

Then again, I hear the Bronx Zoo is looking to rejuvenate it's "Where The Wild Things Are" exhibit. They're in Hollywood, DUH!

I Hate the 90s

I actually love all of the many contributions that this decade brought to America and to the world. But it's success gets overshadowed by things like Janet Jackson's hemp rope weave-a-thon. Sometimes I can't help but be happy that things like this are over.

My condolences go out to the Jackson family.

What In The Fuck?

Thank you to DListed for breaking the news on this bullshit. Who is the inventor for these? I would like you to contact me directly so we can sort this out.

Horrifying. The toe rubbers speak for themselves.

http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/article.html?Funky_footwear_is_like_walking_barefoot&in_article_id=692234&in_page_id=194

Lady Ga-Gag

There is no denying that Lady GaGa makes music that you can move to. But that is no excuse for walking around looking like a Soul Caliber character. Both her dress and that freaky keyboard monstrosity appear to be arts and crafts projects of third graders from the local Y. I could make that with cardboard and black finger paint. I SELL REAL CHEAP TOO FINEST QUALITY!!

It's OK, Lady. I would be gasping for air too if someone wrapped me tightly in aluminum foil. Put down your origami instruments and your hooker wig and go get some fresh air!

Stop Staring At Me, Harry

Is this supposed to be sexy? Well it's not. It's creepy. Like JRM creepy. Scroll down for more on that.

Can't wait for your movie, Daniel! July 15th: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

Perez is a Fool, says Matthew Shepard Foundation

According to a letter from the Matthew Shepard Foundation, Perez's use of the word "faggot" is contradictory to the goals and standards of the organization, so they won't be accepting any donations from him. Read on:

" The Matthew Shepard Foundation was surprised to learn this morning via media reports that blogger Perez Hilton (Mario Lavandeira) has announced he plans to donate, to our organization, the proceeds of a lawsuit he is contesting over an altercation which has been widely reported in recent days.

We had no advance notice or contact from Mr. Hilton or his representatives regarding this proposal, nor any communication since he posted this plan to his website.

We do not know the details of the lawsuit, whether it has been filed, the nature of his claims or the likely outcome. But because the lawsuit presumably involves the physical attack prompted by Mr. Hilton's admitted use of an anti-gay slur, the Foundation will be unable to accept any funds obtained in such a manner.

We very much appreciate the generosity of the offer to support our continuing work to memorialize Matthew through activism in defense of sexual minorities and in favor of understanding, compassion, and acceptance. But because so much of our work involves education to reduce the use of hateful language against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, or those so perceived, it would be inappropriate for us to benefit financially from circumstances in which such a verbal attack was involved.

While we applaud Mr. Hilton's apology to the LGBT community and their loved ones for his use of such a slur, we also feel compelled to point out that use of epithets can often lead to physical violence, as it appears it may have in this case, and that the Matthew Shepard Foundation has worked for more than 10 years to bring to people's attention the consequences of hateful or inolerant language.

Judy Shepard
Chair, MSF Governing Board"

Serves him right! I knew I wasn't the only one who thought that this guy was just too wrong to defend during his sexual, ehem, physical abuse case against Polo, manager of the Black Eyed Peas. Keep fighting the war!

Attack of the Pregnant Oompa-Loompa

The result of too much bronzer, too much country music, and too much Carl's Jr. is evident in this blindly bright beach blond tanned Jessica Simpson. First of all, stop eating, Jessica. You are still famous because of your beauty, and you owe it to your fans to stop putting out country albums, and start, well, putting out. It's what got you that ex-husband of yours. Second, lay off the bronzer and the hair dying: when that bleach stains your hair green and that bronzer tints your skin orange, the only jobs you will get will be as extras in Willy Wonka movies. Do you want that? No. And neither do I.

Hollywood Tuna lets us in on the debacle that is her dress. We have no comment to release on that at this point.

http://www.hollywoodtuna.com/photo.php?id=jessica_simpson_blue_dress_4&title=Jessica%20Simpson%20Pictures&loc=3

Fake Plastic Kabbalah Bangers

This is the fakest thing I think I have ever seen. PhotoShop can work wonders, but it can't turn a 50 year old sag-fest into a 20 year old Lolita virgin blowdoll. Conspiracy theory: this sculpture was stolen from the Wax Museum in Times Square. Louis Vuitton, you are a thief!

And when are you going to retire that monogram, LV? I could print that pattern on wallpaper and plaster it across my room for less than it would cost to get that fugly bag.

Does anyone else think her fingers look like Vienna sausages? Nom nom nom nom.

Nothing Cute About This, Katy.

There is really nothing appetizing, sexy, or acceptable about a woman wearing a pizza while lying in a tub. It's not edgy. It's not cute. It's just disgusting. And that pizza is getting all cold and soggy on your lipo-ed tummy when it could be feeding Somali children. What a shame.

Crackwhores

Who says the crack epidemic is over? Flavor Flav and his latest binge-mate/lady of the night had the audacity to tarnish the roads of Beverly Hills. Flavor was probably looking to console himself after not being allowed to enter the premises. Apparently MJ said the only monkey allowed on the premises was Bubbles. So sad, since Flavor and Bubbles are almost indistinguishable. Well, Bubbles looks like she eats.

I'm sure they were arrested eventually. After picking up this hooker from South Central, Flavor Flav headed up to Beverly Hills to do some drug-induced window shopping (not even VH1 could get him out of debt and pay all of his child support bills; they would have to file for bankruptcy). I'm sure the police were able to follow the trail of crack rocks to their final destination and scrub the sidewalks of Rodeo Drive in time for the Real Housewives to do their daily shopping binge... it's a drug too, you know.

Good riddance.