Get the "Comfort Wipe"!
This is hysterical, and part of me wants to purchase one. Hey if the fat guy at 0:39 is pleased, I bet I will be too!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fail Blog Strikes Again!
The real problem here is that police think it's acceptable to roll around in a Coupe DeVille. If you can get past that, then you may begin criticizing the limo. I can't quite get to that point though.
Gary Busey is Losing Control Of His Face
Old men these days. Gary Busey is working the Hunchback of Notre Dame face pretty well. Something tells me that you can't achieve an expression like that without having had a stroke. Kudos to him!
He once told someone that he was going to "rip your Endocrine system out of your body". Oh, the thought just makes me hot! Does anyone else want to see Gary Busey's drugged up ass attempt to rip lymph nodes out of a corpse? Maybe it's just me, but I think it would get like 6,000,000 hits on YouTube.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Hick Trucker Trailer Whore
What the fuck is this shit? I swear to go I saw a bunch of these alien things walking down Fifth Avenue at the Gay Pride Parade today. Earth to Lindsay: showing the world how strung out you are won't make you any less of a druggie. If this is your cry for help, you should try alternative methods: no one is going to want to help you if they can't stand to look at you!
Go get your hair done and eat a burger.
Parents: hide the children.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Recognizing the Ugliness In Oneself
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You can't go and be all critical of others without recognizing the ugliness within oneself. That is why I am saying to the world: I am officially working at McDonalds. I've been struggling with finding something to do all summer, and now that I have an opportunity, no matter how lowly it may be to the class conscious, I am scooping it up and never letting go. Ronald McDonald, I have great news for you: I am on my knees with gratitude for you. Do with me what you will.
It's a hard knock life. And this is the struggle.
Someone Needs A Bra That Fits
Now that you are going on 40 and have baby twins, the only person who want to see your swollen, suckled nipples is your husband Marc Anthony. Keep your boobs to yourself!
Alert: Tame That Mane!
There is nothing cute about Spencer Pratt's untamed mane. Did they just honeymoon in Africa? Only the Sahara could provide you with such beastly features and a perfect tan at the same time!
I suggest you go get a haircut. And some obedience classes so you don't throw a temper tantrum and burst Heidi's implant.
Then again, I hear the Bronx Zoo is looking to rejuvenate it's "Where The Wild Things Are" exhibit. They're in Hollywood, DUH!
I Hate the 90s
I actually love all of the many contributions that this decade brought to America and to the world. But it's success gets overshadowed by things like Janet Jackson's hemp rope weave-a-thon. Sometimes I can't help but be happy that things like this are over.
My condolences go out to the Jackson family.
What In The Fuck?
Thank you to DListed for breaking the news on this bullshit. Who is the inventor for these? I would like you to contact me directly so we can sort this out.
Horrifying. The toe rubbers speak for themselves.
http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/article.html?Funky_footwear_is_like_walking_barefoot&in_article_id=692234&in_page_id=194
Lady Ga-Gag
There is no denying that Lady GaGa makes music that you can move to. But that is no excuse for walking around looking like a Soul Caliber character. Both her dress and that freaky keyboard monstrosity appear to be arts and crafts projects of third graders from the local Y. I could make that with cardboard and black finger paint. I SELL REAL CHEAP TOO FINEST QUALITY!!
It's OK, Lady. I would be gasping for air too if someone wrapped me tightly in aluminum foil. Put down your origami instruments and your hooker wig and go get some fresh air!
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