Bigfoot Spotted

Oh, wait. Seems Amy Winehouse has broken free from the rehab clinic. It's gonna take about 4 men to fend off her crack rock-induced fit of strength. I hope they catch her before she reaches London and knocks down Big Ben. That would be sad.

She does seem like she's on a mission, though. Anyone have any idea of where she is booking it to and how we can warn the citizens of said location?

Alert: Put Your Titties Away

We are going back in time to relive the good days, where Lil Kim had even less shame and moral construct than she does now. Blond weave, plastic-surgery-wound-cover-up makeup, botoxed lips, messy armpits, TIG OLE BITTIES, and a slut piercing. Where are folks with the balls to do this these days? Lil Kim has proven that the term "Chesticles" can apply to "women" (if that's what you call this) as well.

The only thing funnier than her is all the people in the background trying to catch a glance at just what the fuck this crazy-ass skank walked in the damn building wearing. Kudos, Kim! We can't take our eyes off of you. Even though we want to.

Parents: Hide the Children.

I'll let the tags do the talking.

Jon Gosselin Has A Mistress

Down-Syndrome-Baby Gosselin found an attention whore ruthless enough to date him in public for undisclosed amounts of money. Ugly douchebags are pretty bad, but people who willingly date them for camera time are just sinful. You are not cute either! I'm making two new tags to commemorate the whores of this post: "Greatest Hits: Down Syndrome Baby Gosselin" and "I'll suck your dick for a cheesburger". Congrats!

PS: For the love of God, could middle-aged, overweight people stop wearing Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier? It barely works for attractive people.

Harry Potter Stars Make Big Mistakes

Emma Watson is completely cute until you look down. Why is she wearing those tap dancing shoes? Save it, Bojangles. Hope you kept the receipt.... Besides, your feet look like they hurt. The way they are bunched up in those hard-ass character shoes reminds me of Chinese foot-binding techniques. Don't be a victim, Emma! You need to be able to walk when you come to my school this fall!

OK, Emma, you did well here. But what is going on with the goons on your sides? Midgety Daniel Radcliffe pulled out his 3-button pimp/church suit. And Rupert... are those mountain boots?

Never thought I'd see people trying to rock Lugz/the North Face on the red carpet. Not a good look.

Can't wait to see your movie!

THE DEFINITION OF CHESTICLES!

His pecs actually look like balls when he flexs them! Not a good look.

Girl George Mindfucks Me

Don't use your gender-identity crisis as an excuse to degrade Japanese culture. And there is never an excuse for the gay club disco ball on that is on your head.

You're not cute, you're not fashion-forward, so why are you making people take pics of you and share them with people whose health can be seriously compromised by such visions?

I love that house arrest anklet you have on though, BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Is This What College Is Like?

This is bringing back grand memories of senior parties. Get it, Grandma!

This is buck wild. Unbelievable.

Thanks to dlisted.com.

Honoring Another Greatest Hit:

Courtney LoveDrugs is getting her own special tag. Kudos to you! Now go put some clothes on.

On My List...

If you are not pumped about seeing this sometime in the near future, something might be legitimately wrong with you. July 10, 2009, everywhere, Rated R, yadda yadda. This shit is gonna be hysterical!

What do you guys think?

The Breasts of Man...Again.

People are not getting it. There is nothing acceptable about having your hairy chesticles/nipples all out in public. Wearing a see-through mesh shirt is not only terribly inconsiderate to all the people around you who, now confused, thought that see-through mesh muscle shirts died with "I'm Too Sexy", but is also a prime target for my anger and ranting (speaking of ranting, go visit projectrant.com. It's quite funny.)

Jude Law is a criminal for doing this to us. This may not transgress as much as Adrien Brody's cardigan fug-up (see "Breasts of Man", but this is still quite dispicable. See-through? For real though?

I can't take it. Simply not cute. Well, as long as he isn't pulling this BS in America, I'll be fine. Keep this hairy shit in EUROPE.

New Tag: "Chesticles". You guys have earned it.