Fatty Clarkson Eats Reporters for Breakfast

Run, Sam Champion, Run!

Here is Fatty Clarkson showing how much she can fit in her mouth at once for all the New York news watchers. Don't think she is completely ape shit? Scroll down.

She's lost every damn screw.

Alert: White People Spotted At 106 & Park

I wonder where they were trying to go and how they unluckily landed here...

But on a more serious note, Marlon Wayans and might-as-well-be-black actor Channing Tatum dragged their fearful caucasian costars into what might as well be a Black Panthers meeting to promote their latest movie, "GI Joe: Rise of Cobra", due in theaters this Friday. Will it be good? I wonder, I wonder.

Death of Nigga-Naps

If Jay Z weren't such a good rapper, he would be permanently banned from every respectable part of America for rocking the nappy roots like it's a good look. It's not. Note to all negros, hispanics, etc. with thick hair: GET THAT SHIT CUT! Jay Z can't step to anyone trying to be hard when he is rocking crack locks.

And what is he trying to lick?

BLUEPRINT 3 OUT SOON!

I Think It's Safe to Say That Eminem Officially Hates Mariah Carey

All that talk about where they orgasmed and shit was a bit graphic. I'm really afraid for Mariah right now. Eminem is crazy.

Jessica Simpson is a Fool.

And this is why everyone should get Twitter.

God Bless America!

Alert: Down Syndrome Baby is Having Gender Issues

This is upsetting. He's as typically frumpy and tacky from the neck down as he usually is. But the face/head create a problem. you all know what that problem is. And we will simply leave it at that.

Points for Down Syndrome Baby: He's not wearing Ed Hardy or Christian Audigier. That's a good thing.

Jon and Kate ['s Accessories] Plus 8 [Abandoned Children].

Best [Fall] I Ever Had

Tyrant Banks Guest Starring On "GG" In the Fall....

Yes, indeedy, people. Crazy-ass power-hungry television dominator Tyra Banks will be guest starring on Gossip Girl this fall. She will not be playing herself, which is surprising because I'm sure Tyra doesn't know what it means to not be an attention whore, but she will try out her facial expression repertoire (like the "Banshee Demon Yoga Instructor" face seen above) playing someone... important. She's acted before (remember Jackie on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?), so let's see if she can hold her own amongst my idol, Chuck Bass.

What's Her Excuse Today?

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Another Year of Skankiness

The reason I have always loved Lil' Kim is that she will walk into the Oscars with just coins taped onto her nipples, and then talk in a delightful, petite voice with perfect grammar. If you are gonna dress like a dominatrix/whore, you need to be talking to the way you rap. "WANNA BUMBLE WITH THE BEE, HUH? BUZZZZZZZ." Do you remember those days? Where her voice made you think this bitch would kill you if she saw you not staring at her titties? Those were the days.

Well, I think people should be pleased to know that Lil' Kim might not sound the same, but she still has the sluttiest, most abhorrent taste in clothing. This is the outfit she wore to her birthday celebration recently! Now let's run down the check list:

Fucked Up Weave? Check.
Stereotypically Overbearing Bling? Check.
Breasts Worn as an Accessory, and not a Body Part? Check.
Pantyhose Above The Panties? Check.
Bra That Is Both Under- and Overwear? Check.
Xena, Warrior Princess-inspired skirt? Check.
90s Hooker Heels? Check.

She's never been whorier. Happy belated birthday, Kim. And I know you are my mother's husband's cousin, so you need to stop fronting and come give me an autograph. I love you. Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

God Bless America!