Cyndi Lauper and Lil Kim Make Nelson Mandela Decapitate Himself

I mean how else would you eliminate the sensual onslaught provided to the eyes and ears by this shit?

Cyndi decided to go with a bleached Richard Simmons wig, dreamcatcher earrings, saggy titties, and an old voodoo priest's curtains for her tribute to Mandela. Then she got together with Lil' Kim in an attempt to permanently deafen the greater population of South Africa. Please listen, WITH THE VOLUME LOW! And get some tissue for when your ears start bleeding!

Damn, that's rough isn't it? I love how Lil' Kim's ghetto ass had to keep it hood and transitioned to an acoustic version of "Lighters Up". Instead of using a Ja-fake-an accent, she decided to bleet her performance like Mary's Little Lamb. She is singing all breathy like a fat person who just went for a run. Is she in labor?

When Cyndi Lauper starts singing "Lighters Up", her Richard Simmons wig gives up on her and begins catastrophically seizing atop her scalp. This is a mess, people!

Happy Birthday to Nelson Mandela! Now that these two chicks put you on Helen Keller status, you don't have to worry about being ambushed sensually like this again.

New Tag: "Close Your Mouth". I think it's well deserved.

Jumanji Moobs

Robin Williams needs to just not do things like this. And this was back when he was "young". What the fuck is his torso composed of now? *SMH*

Mindfuck: Lindsay Winehouse

Oh, I would pay whole fortunes to avoid having a picture of me that was this unflattering be published. But with cigarette prices these days, Lindsay had to make a choice. And now she is living with the consequences.

Phew. This so unfortunate looking. Complete mindfuck. And whoever took this went on iPhoto and upped the saturation levels. This bitch is glowing from head to toe!

Parents: definitely hide the children. Show them "Herbie Reloaded" and "The Parent Trap" and tell them it's not the same woman.

Damn, this is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson....

Alert: B-BALL BOOBIES!

Damn, Katey Price. These are some tig ole bitties! This is completely unacceptable. I should not be able to rip your titties off and dribble them down half court! You have your weave all falling into your cleavage crevasse. You are a mess. I feel like she walked into the doctor's office and was like "put 3 implants in each tit".

Parents: Hide the Children. Unless you want them to cut off her breasts and play dodgeball with them.

Alert: Flowers Gone Wrong

In these situations, I love to let the tags do the talking. Look below, please.

Oh Yeah, It's Bad

How Could You Let Go of This?

Actually, I assume she just ran when he finally let go of her. Crackheads have killer grips, you know? Amy Crackhouse and Pete Doherty have called it quits. Finally.

The real question is, when is she going to end her love affair with Valium, Cocaine, and Oxycodone? Never. Because those are ties that bind. True love right there.

His grill is completely MindFuck, BTW.

More Jackson Family Heartbreak

Jermaine Dupri's selfish ass was like "I'm sorry, Janet, but you are too emotional these days, it's over." I'm not kidding, people. Actually, I don't know if that's the real reason, LMAO. But I do think it's a bit heartless to break up with her after a years-long relationship in the middle of one of her most emotional time spans.

Then again, I would dump a chick who was rocking hats that like that one. Assuming I was dating a chick. Or dating in general. The thought amuses me....

New Tag for JD: "Douchy Fucks". He deserves it.

Rihanna Has a Britney Moment

Following in the steps of One Hit Wonder Cassie Ventura, Rihanna went ape-shit and shaved the sides of her head. I'm thinking Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Or maybe one of those rights from Chris Brown knocked a screw loose. I'm not completely sure.

What do people think about this new look? I'm not a fan. But she's certainly not ugly. Once Chris Brown get's a hold of her police-calling ass, she will be though! At least she put her bazoombas away.

Whitney Houston Immortalized in Wax

90s Crack Queen Whitney Houston had her wax figure stand in for her album cover photo shoot. What happened to the ashy, dry lips? The lack of breasts? The overly bony shoulders? The fucked up weave--oh, wait, no that's still there.

Anyone actually looking forward to this album? Whitney might be way past her prime.