Another Year of Skankiness

The reason I have always loved Lil' Kim is that she will walk into the Oscars with just coins taped onto her nipples, and then talk in a delightful, petite voice with perfect grammar. If you are gonna dress like a dominatrix/whore, you need to be talking to the way you rap. "WANNA BUMBLE WITH THE BEE, HUH? BUZZZZZZZ." Do you remember those days? Where her voice made you think this bitch would kill you if she saw you not staring at her titties? Those were the days.

Well, I think people should be pleased to know that Lil' Kim might not sound the same, but she still has the sluttiest, most abhorrent taste in clothing. This is the outfit she wore to her birthday celebration recently! Now let's run down the check list:

Fucked Up Weave? Check.
Stereotypically Overbearing Bling? Check.
Breasts Worn as an Accessory, and not a Body Part? Check.
Pantyhose Above The Panties? Check.
Bra That Is Both Under- and Overwear? Check.
Xena, Warrior Princess-inspired skirt? Check.
90s Hooker Heels? Check.

She's never been whorier. Happy belated birthday, Kim. And I know you are my mother's husband's cousin, so you need to stop fronting and come give me an autograph. I love you. Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

God Bless America!

Alert: You're Disgusting.

Madonna's arms are anything but attractive these days. I feel like the muscles are ready to slip right off the bone, like they've been boiling with potatoes in an Irish crockpot for 5 hours. It's disgusting. Her muscles have dimples, and those dimples have dimples. Just... Gross.

But to her credit, her old ass has one good asset in her life: Jesus Luz. Her 22-year-old supermodel boyfriend straight out of Brazil. Madonna probably purchased him straight from Sao Paolo because he couldn't speak English. Prime deal. Sources say he's upset that Madonna is reopening her scarab-infested tomb for her ex, Guy Ritchie. Jesus, don't be angry! Now Madonna won't make you fuck her.

Parents: Hide the Children.

Pity Case: Solange "The Name Sounds Familiar" Knowles

Apparently, not being able to sell albums when your sister's name automatically infers money was too much for Solange Knowles to deal with. This crazy bitch pulled a Britney and shaved her head! Note to Solange that person related to Beyonce: nothing you cut, destroy, remove, etc. can persuade people to purchase "Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams". Except maybe your life.

There's Something About Ri-Ri

Look at this hair! Rihanna is back again, still rocking a fucked up ass updo. But now she is walking around with this neck full of pearls like it's classy and/or acceptable. It looks like a bunch of clams took a shit on her neck.

And she has porn star lips. Just saying....

AND IS THAT LINT IN HER HAIR?!?

New Tag: "Greatest Hits: Ri-Ri"

JUDO LAW CHOPS THE SHIT OUT OF THE PAPARAZZI! OH SHIT!!!!!

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to update the blog yesterday. I had a funeral to attend for the matriarch of the family. Not only was I wearing full formal attire, it was hot as fuck outside and the cemetery was 2 hours away with no shade. And I had to ride in a limo with broken AC and windows that the driver wouldn't unlock. Damn.

Enough of the sob story. Jude Law knocked the shit out of this camera whore! Damn! He has his angry face on too! Her feet are barely on the ground after this one. That's why you stay the hell out of people's faces! They will get you!

It looks like it hurt too.

10 Not-Canceled-Yet Shows that are Mental Crack

Ever since the summer began, I have begun watching television shows again, albeit on my computer most of the time. I have discovered that some shows are absolutely addicting. Here are my top 10 current shows, in no particular order. Let me know if you disagree.

1. True Blood - This show is absolute crack for the mind. The storylines are insane, the characters are extremely loveable, and every episode manages to hit you with seemingly the biggest bombshell of your life. The killer isn't who you think it is, the monster isn't who you think it is, and nothing is ever what you think it is in this show. Plus, there is tons of blood, gore, sex, and creatures to absolutely fulfill your fantastical desires. Until the episode ends, of course.

2. The Real World: Cancun - With a fresh new cast and fresh new setting every season, The Real World somehow always ends up seeming to be a repeat of the same general plotlines, surprisingly. However, these plotlines never really get old, and when you add the hedonistic surroundings of Cancun during Spring Break to the mix, things get to boiling, FAST. Trust me, there is more sex, cursing, fighting, crying, and even blood in the first few episodes than one might find throughout entire past seasons. And trust me, when you hit episode 5, your heart will stop at least twice while you are watching it.

3. Damages - Glenn Close is a queen in the acting world, Ted Danson shows extreme dramatic versatility, Rose Byrne holds her own among Hollywood's greats, and the storyline will keep you invested, from the very first scene. The jumpy POV also keeps your attention, because in one episode, you might see someone dead, then see that person talking to a friend, then see that person being killed. From the moment Ellen steps out of that elevator in her trench coat, covered in blood, this show will have you hooked. Being a lawyer never seemed so downright dangerous.

4. Nip/Tuck - If you know me, then you know that if there is one show I am absolutely hooked on this summer, it's Nip/Tuck. The surgeries will awe you, sure, but when it comes down to it, it's the storyline that never lets you go. Drugs, sex, infidelity, pregnancy, sexual identity, abuse, body image issues, diseases, trust me, it's all in here, all given their appropriate times to shine and be spoken of. Sean McNamamara, Christian Troy, and their families are the most fucked up people you will ever have the experience of watching for 5 seasons. Plus, there is not a single actor in this show who's acting ability isn't of extreme quality. When you find out who is doing crystal meth and having sex in front of their newborn daughter, you might just start to cry. Beauty never looked so ugly.

5. Degrassi: the Next Generation - One thing is sure, Degrassi is a staple in teen drama, and won't be disappearing any time soon. While the newest cast members have yet to get their acting up to par like now college-attending favorites, the drama certainly doesn't end. I've always respected Degrassi for taking a typical teen issue, exposing it, and dealing with it positively in a way doesn't make people go "wow, that's so cheesy". And the storylines themselves improve as time goes on (can you say weed brownies, diabetic comas, and evictions from dormitories, all in the same 22 minute episode?). Anybody who watches one episode knows that Degrassi is your teenage do-right guilty pleasure. And... Drake used to play Jimmy on it.

6. Gossip Girl - New York Magazine didn't have the cast on it's cover with the headline "Best. Show. Ever." for nothing. This is my absolute favorite show. The storylines are literally too addicting to deal with, especially in the second season, and with the cliffhangers that the second season left us with, we know the shit is going to hit the fan. Plus, things are heading to college, which means no more private school exclusivity. Our privileged preps will have to survive amongst normal folk now, and we get to watch. Plus, Nate is going to Columbia, and GG films on location, so that is reason enough to watch. And, GG might just be the most talked about, buzzing show in recent memory, especially among the youthful crowd, prompting the question, if you're not watching Gossip Girl, what are you watching? Gossip Girl starkly proves that it's all fun and games, until the whole world is watching you play.

7. Southland - An NBC midseason replacement, Southland debuted at a random time of year and had an even more random number of season episodes, 7. I was looking for a drama, Southland had a short season, which always is good to me, so I said, meh, I'll take a look. What I discovered is NBC's audacity to look at South Central LA with less censors and more realism. The camera work is, at times, simply frightening with realism, and the acting and the storylines are stimulating and immediately pull you in. Not only will you not be expecting the teenage boy to be shot, you also won't expect to be shown the murder graphically, and you certainly won't expect it in the first 10 minutes of the first episode (well, you will now). That's the magic of "Southland", showing us that LA won't change without a gun fight.

8. Ugly Betty - Upscale fashion magazine, inhabited with the prissiest and most privileged of New York? Check. Evil super bitch willing to ruin anything to get what she wants? Check. Sluts, loyal gay dogs, manwhores, and prima donnas? Check. Ugly girl from Queens who has to deal with it all? Hmm.... something isn't right here. And "Ugly Betty" makes that clear immediately. The writing, the acting, and the storyline all create one overall feeling for the situation that Betty is in: awkwardness. And it's extremely funny. Vanessa Williams and Michael Urie as WIlhelmina Slater and Marc St. James, respectively, create one of the most over-the-top duos working on TV. And the antics never get old. Plus, Salma Hayek's parodies of campy telenovelas might make you laugh out loud. The Devil really does wear Prada, BUT ONLY THE SPRING/SUMMER 2009 LINE BECAUSE ONLY POOR PEOPLE WEAR PAST SEASONS! That's Ugly Betty for you.

9. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit - Not only the best of all the Law and Orders, SVU may just be the greatest crime drama on television today. It doesn't get old. It's been on for like 500 years, every episode is completely different and completely ridiculous, and yet, SVU is ratings gold. Why? Because America cannot get enough of sexual offenders. And neither will you.

10. Jeopardy - For every time you have flipped to ABC at 7 PM, looked at the set, which hasn't changed in maybe 60 years, mouthed the words "this is JEOPARDY", and stood in dead silence as you tried to answer questions that you have no knowledge of, Jeopardy has to make the list. I'm 17, I could've qualified for Kids Jeopardy and then went on that show and whipped all those little toddlers asses! This show will make you smarter. Or at least give you good tidbits to recite for awkward moments at the cocktail parties. What is... breasts? That is the question.

OK, I know there are tons of great shows out there, but these are the ones that have been keeping my attention so far. Let me know what I'm missing and why; I might make another list with more additions.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Rebbie Jackson Ain't Got It Like Her Brother

Sorry, Rebbie, but this isn't gonna cut it, especially when everyone is looking at you saying, "your brother was the bomb! What happened?"

I completely love how awkward in her attempts to look magical at the beginning she is. She's like walking down the steps slowly and waving her arms with that constipation face on. Quality.

Chris Brown Needs Acting Classes

OK at about 0:20, your lips are gonna purse, your eyelids will sink, you will say one thing aloud, even if no one is around to hear you:

"Chris Brown needs to shut the fuck up".

Breezy,

This is why your lawyers told you not to say anything. They knew your wife-beating ass could not read teleprompters fast enough to add emotion also. You can only do one or the other. Take your time, brother....

But, alas, Rihanna's masochistic ass is watching this and going "I know he love me. He ain't gone hit me no mo'". Lies! He can't wait for the day his restraining order is gone and he can walk up on you and pop a gland in one of those tig ole bitties you've were showing everyone on July 4th. He wants to go WWE on your ass for calling the po-po when you disliked the pimp hand. You shoulda known he was gonna get sick of you and start throwing your ass from "Wall to Wall" (PUN!!!!).

And your crazy ass will be waiting there with "Hit Me" signs all over your body. You are foolish, Ri-Ri! Don't fall for this.

But on a more serious note, what hotel does the court have him working at with that jacket on? Not a good look.

Burnt Crack: the Fragrance

Everyone needs to go out to Walgreens, the 99 cent store, or your local incense dealer on the corner to buy Amy Crackhouse's fragrance when it comes out. That's right, she is coming out with her own fragance. Now you will get to experience what crack, valium, heroin, marijuana, alcohol, bleach, formaldehyde, ink, piss, breast milk, diet coke, ammonia, asshole hairs, dirt, and all other things Amy consumes on a daily basis smells like when mixed together! I'm so excited!

Joe Jackson Gets Crapped On By Society-At-Large

I personally think Joe Jackass Jackson was a great father slavemaster Black Stalin manager. Without pushing his children down the stairs as often as he did, they may never have sustained such injuries success.

But to have your raggedy-ass decrepit face on an anti-domestic abuse poster means you did some fucked up shit. I don't know who made and disseminated this poster, but if I were you I would run and hide. Joe is gonna roll that shit up, light it on fire, and beat your ass with it until you can sing "ABC" without Auto-Tune (I hope it wasn't T-Pain who made this, because some tells me those bi-colored locks are flammable as fuck).

Once Joe finds his belt, he'll be available for comments.

Now I'm mad, real mad, Joe Jackson...

Ciara's New Singles Include "Umbrella", "Disturbia", and "Take a Bow"

Ciara got news about Rihanna's "Neo-Nazi from the Side" new hairstyle and realized the short black crop was now available. She forgot the fact that shit got played the fuck out last year. Get some damn originality.

Does she know her sideburn glue wore off? Somebody wrangle those loose strands before they run off!

Cyndi Lauper and Lil Kim Make Nelson Mandela Decapitate Himself

I mean how else would you eliminate the sensual onslaught provided to the eyes and ears by this shit?

Cyndi decided to go with a bleached Richard Simmons wig, dreamcatcher earrings, saggy titties, and an old voodoo priest's curtains for her tribute to Mandela. Then she got together with Lil' Kim in an attempt to permanently deafen the greater population of South Africa. Please listen, WITH THE VOLUME LOW! And get some tissue for when your ears start bleeding!

Damn, that's rough isn't it? I love how Lil' Kim's ghetto ass had to keep it hood and transitioned to an acoustic version of "Lighters Up". Instead of using a Ja-fake-an accent, she decided to bleet her performance like Mary's Little Lamb. She is singing all breathy like a fat person who just went for a run. Is she in labor?

When Cyndi Lauper starts singing "Lighters Up", her Richard Simmons wig gives up on her and begins catastrophically seizing atop her scalp. This is a mess, people!

Happy Birthday to Nelson Mandela! Now that these two chicks put you on Helen Keller status, you don't have to worry about being ambushed sensually like this again.

New Tag: "Close Your Mouth". I think it's well deserved.

Jumanji Moobs

Robin Williams needs to just not do things like this. And this was back when he was "young". What the fuck is his torso composed of now? *SMH*

Mindfuck: Lindsay Winehouse

Oh, I would pay whole fortunes to avoid having a picture of me that was this unflattering be published. But with cigarette prices these days, Lindsay had to make a choice. And now she is living with the consequences.

Phew. This so unfortunate looking. Complete mindfuck. And whoever took this went on iPhoto and upped the saturation levels. This bitch is glowing from head to toe!

Parents: definitely hide the children. Show them "Herbie Reloaded" and "The Parent Trap" and tell them it's not the same woman.

Damn, this is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson....

Alert: B-BALL BOOBIES!

Damn, Katey Price. These are some tig ole bitties! This is completely unacceptable. I should not be able to rip your titties off and dribble them down half court! You have your weave all falling into your cleavage crevasse. You are a mess. I feel like she walked into the doctor's office and was like "put 3 implants in each tit".

Parents: Hide the Children. Unless you want them to cut off her breasts and play dodgeball with them.

Alert: Flowers Gone Wrong

In these situations, I love to let the tags do the talking. Look below, please.

Oh Yeah, It's Bad

How Could You Let Go of This?

Actually, I assume she just ran when he finally let go of her. Crackheads have killer grips, you know? Amy Crackhouse and Pete Doherty have called it quits. Finally.

The real question is, when is she going to end her love affair with Valium, Cocaine, and Oxycodone? Never. Because those are ties that bind. True love right there.

His grill is completely MindFuck, BTW.

More Jackson Family Heartbreak

Jermaine Dupri's selfish ass was like "I'm sorry, Janet, but you are too emotional these days, it's over." I'm not kidding, people. Actually, I don't know if that's the real reason, LMAO. But I do think it's a bit heartless to break up with her after a years-long relationship in the middle of one of her most emotional time spans.

Then again, I would dump a chick who was rocking hats that like that one. Assuming I was dating a chick. Or dating in general. The thought amuses me....

New Tag for JD: "Douchy Fucks". He deserves it.

Rihanna Has a Britney Moment

Following in the steps of One Hit Wonder Cassie Ventura, Rihanna went ape-shit and shaved the sides of her head. I'm thinking Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Or maybe one of those rights from Chris Brown knocked a screw loose. I'm not completely sure.

What do people think about this new look? I'm not a fan. But she's certainly not ugly. Once Chris Brown get's a hold of her police-calling ass, she will be though! At least she put her bazoombas away.

Whitney Houston Immortalized in Wax

90s Crack Queen Whitney Houston had her wax figure stand in for her album cover photo shoot. What happened to the ashy, dry lips? The lack of breasts? The overly bony shoulders? The fucked up weave--oh, wait, no that's still there.

Anyone actually looking forward to this album? Whitney might be way past her prime.

Nom Nom Nom Nom

OK, so I'm just posting this because secretly I've always dreamed of seeing Vin Diesel chow down on some fried chicken. So... yeah.

HUNGRY MOTHAFUCKA!!

Vida Guerra Should Stick to Sucking Dick

Especially if whenever there isn't something in her mouth, she starts rapping like this. I watched the first 10 seconds and burst out laughing.




Get back on your knees, Vida! You have no talent standing up.

Thanks to Mayte for showing me this.

Alert: SOULJA BOY CROSSED THE LINE!!!!!! Total Mindfuck!

What in the fuck?!?!?!?! Soulja Boy is going buck-ass-wild with his camera phone! OH SHIT EVERYONE BOOKMARK THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know you want to tell everyone about the big ass cucumber that Soulja Boy stole from your fridge and put in his drawers! I know I do! Fresh produce is expensive these days! I would be pissed too! Socks just aren't cutting it these days, huh?

But what about that facial expression? Was he sucking on a Warhead?

Parents: Hide the children. Unless they are size queens. Then they're already on their way to Soulja Boy's house.

And SB: either let the world know what you are really working with or put your fucking pants back on. Nobody likes a tease. :(

Down Syndrome Baby's New Whore's Mugshot!!!!

Remember Jon Gosselin's new whore who would suck dick for camera time?

Well she really is desperate! She is willing to get arrested just to get a free headshot! She'll do anything for camera time, I'm not lying!

She loves her marijuana. Two bags of it actually. That's why she is seen here, showing everyone that makeup is not her friend. Fake ass eyebrows.

Jake And Resse Trip in Public

Requiem for a Dream alert: Jake Gyllenhaal and Resse Witherspoon swallowed some cough medicine and were told by their couch to go driving under the influence. Happens every day in Hollywood land, but I bet their now-talking loveseat didn't inform them that paparazzi would be tailing them virtually every fucking place they went. I wouldn't be surprised if the pap had cameras bolted onto the car door. But the druggies didn't notice them. Or the couch told them it wasn't really there. Either way, we got great, flattering pics of the as they drive "spaceship" to "the sun".

Don't trust a hard drug user. You can tell the trippers from their big ass pupils. If you see one of these bug-eyed fuckers doing 80 on the freeway, take a picture too! Then sell it to People Magazine or TMZ.com for 4 million dollars like all the big celebs do to take advantage of their children. Or sell it to me... I'll try to get you a deal at McDonalds.

Alert: Jessica Simpson Eats Her Feelings

I would be stuffing my fat face full of diabetic coma-inducing shit if my boyfriend dumped me the day before my birthday as well. It's OK, Jessica, ice cream, french fries, and McChickens will never let you down. And your weight will never go down either.

I hope some Cheez Whiz makes you feel better. :)

Fat bitch alert!!

It's Only A Matter of Time Before Disney Releases You From Your Contract

It was only a matter of time before the pressure Disney's contract put on Miley Cyrus became too much for her libido to take. She's been slutting it up big time for the camera, so much that I had to add like 8ish pics or so of her being a complete teen whore. I don't mind it, Miley. We're all kinda whorey. But you are famous, and 16, and whorey. That's even more fun. And warrents more attention.

Thank God you are actually kinda good looking. Or else you would get it sooooooo much worse! You are still a camera whore though!

PS: I love the watermark on some of the pics. It says "TrainReq" LMFAO!!! They completely called that one. They should put that watermark on Baldy Britney pics also.

Kevin James is Gross With Food

Kevin James is pictured here having an "Along Came Polly" moment with a friend. He's got some knee, tan, and weight problems going on. I don't really know what to say, other than that maybe next time he should tuck his shirt into his shorts when he goes for a lay-up. Help the onlookers out.

At least he's happy, though. And he's too cool for school playing ball with Matrix glasses. Wow.

Madonna Seeks Penis

Now this is some true determination. Here Madonna is, right on stage at her concert, beckoning for cock! She doesn't wait to get off stage. She has her urge, and she just sits down and opens up! I admire your bravery and your willingness to say what you want. Skank. Now close your 5000-year-old labias before a scarab pops out.

Case of the Stares Special: 2 for the Price of One!

Nothing is funnier than celebrities who stare off into the distance for the cameras. It's not a cute look. But it makes me wonder where these people are looking, what they are looking at, and why.

Is Hayden giving that glare to the guy who spelled her tattoo wrong? Is Ashley laughing at Pete over his baby dick pics from his Sidekick? I wonder, I wonder.

There's Nothing Under Your Hands!

That's right, laugh, Lily Allen. We are laughing, too, at the thought that you actually believe you have breast to cover up. You do need to cover up that board of yours though. Maybe if you work out they'll be a little protusion?

New Tag: "pancake booty".

True Life: I Married for Money

Don't tell me CoCo looked at Ice-T and said, "I think he's a nice guy". No, she's a golddigger. Someone of her physical caliber could get with almost any guy she wanted to, but she settled for Ice-T. She'll suck dick for money, and that's a fact.

Saggy chesticles are on full display!

Question: Who's boobs are bigger? Leave your thoughts!

David Spade Sucks

Because of this. Has anyone seen this guy around lately? His career is gagging for air. What will he do for attention?

Beer Chin

There is really no comment for this. Just a new tag: "Greatest Hits: Mischa Barton". Congrats.

OK, But Seriously, WTF

I wouldn't be anywhere near his body, let alone sticking my nose in his sweat crevasses. Not acceptable. What if it smelled good though? He would've fooled everyone. That would be some sick shit.

Proof that ugliness does not have to come from Hollywood. There are fucked up people everywhere. This is a true bodyrug.

Mindfuck: The Camera Adds Ten Tons

What the fuck has Kevin Federline been doing with his life? Eating the money he got from his divorce settlement? This is intense. Fat as fuck. No lie. Didn't think this was possible in so little time. What a shame. *smh*

He is working the K-Mart fashions, though. Oversized white T, pleated long khaki shorts. This is a mess. My prayers go out to your family. This is true mindfuck.

Supplying Us With Ample Arsenal

Courtney Love's melanin seeps onto the sidewalk as she stumples to a location that she isn't completely aware of. Let the tags do the talking.

Granny Panty Wedgy

OK, I know that's not how you spell wedgy, but it looks cool with all the words ending in y. Now for the real problem: the only time the straps of your underwear should be exposed is if they are a thong. Actually, that isn't even really an excuse, but a thong is better than having your high-rise granny tights popping out of your jeans. I don't even understand where you would find underwear that reach up and above your love handles. You must have something to hide.

Brownie Points to the person who guesses who these side straps belong to:
ZPUEELPRCOEN (Unscramble)

At Least She Shaved

Simply put, Chastity Bono is fucking disgusting. How do you fight stereotypes of lesbian woman being heavy set, having short hair cuts, and looking like middle-aged men? Oh, yes! You encompass all of those stereotypes in yourself. This is just disgusting. Like, that's all I can say *barf*.

Tabitha is looking ugly as fuck in the background as well. Thank God she does hair and not makeup! She might make you look like she does!

Bigfoot Spotted

Oh, wait. Seems Amy Winehouse has broken free from the rehab clinic. It's gonna take about 4 men to fend off her crack rock-induced fit of strength. I hope they catch her before she reaches London and knocks down Big Ben. That would be sad.

She does seem like she's on a mission, though. Anyone have any idea of where she is booking it to and how we can warn the citizens of said location?

Alert: Put Your Titties Away

We are going back in time to relive the good days, where Lil Kim had even less shame and moral construct than she does now. Blond weave, plastic-surgery-wound-cover-up makeup, botoxed lips, messy armpits, TIG OLE BITTIES, and a slut piercing. Where are folks with the balls to do this these days? Lil Kim has proven that the term "Chesticles" can apply to "women" (if that's what you call this) as well.

The only thing funnier than her is all the people in the background trying to catch a glance at just what the fuck this crazy-ass skank walked in the damn building wearing. Kudos, Kim! We can't take our eyes off of you. Even though we want to.

Parents: Hide the Children.

I'll let the tags do the talking.

Jon Gosselin Has A Mistress

Down-Syndrome-Baby Gosselin found an attention whore ruthless enough to date him in public for undisclosed amounts of money. Ugly douchebags are pretty bad, but people who willingly date them for camera time are just sinful. You are not cute either! I'm making two new tags to commemorate the whores of this post: "Greatest Hits: Down Syndrome Baby Gosselin" and "I'll suck your dick for a cheesburger". Congrats!

PS: For the love of God, could middle-aged, overweight people stop wearing Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier? It barely works for attractive people.

Harry Potter Stars Make Big Mistakes

Emma Watson is completely cute until you look down. Why is she wearing those tap dancing shoes? Save it, Bojangles. Hope you kept the receipt.... Besides, your feet look like they hurt. The way they are bunched up in those hard-ass character shoes reminds me of Chinese foot-binding techniques. Don't be a victim, Emma! You need to be able to walk when you come to my school this fall!

OK, Emma, you did well here. But what is going on with the goons on your sides? Midgety Daniel Radcliffe pulled out his 3-button pimp/church suit. And Rupert... are those mountain boots?

Never thought I'd see people trying to rock Lugz/the North Face on the red carpet. Not a good look.

Can't wait to see your movie!

THE DEFINITION OF CHESTICLES!

His pecs actually look like balls when he flexs them! Not a good look.

Girl George Mindfucks Me

Don't use your gender-identity crisis as an excuse to degrade Japanese culture. And there is never an excuse for the gay club disco ball on that is on your head.

You're not cute, you're not fashion-forward, so why are you making people take pics of you and share them with people whose health can be seriously compromised by such visions?

I love that house arrest anklet you have on though, BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.