Sunday, July 12, 2009

It's Only A Matter of Time Before Disney Releases You From Your Contract

miley cyrusmiley_cyrus1.jpg

It was only a matter of time before the pressure Disney's contract put on Miley Cyrus became too much for her libido to take. She's been slutting it up big time for the camera, so much that I had to add like 8ish pics or so of her being a complete teen whore. I don't mind it, Miley. We're all kinda whorey. But you are famous, and 16, and whorey. That's even more fun. And warrents more attention.

Thank God you are actually kinda good looking. Or else you would get it sooooooo much worse! You are still a camera whore though!

PS: I love the watermark on some of the pics. It says "TrainReq" LMFAO!!! They completely called that one. They should put that watermark on Baldy Britney pics also.

Kevin James is Gross With Food

Kevin James is pictured here having an "Along Came Polly" moment with a friend. He's got some knee, tan, and weight problems going on. I don't really know what to say, other than that maybe next time he should tuck his shirt into his shorts when he goes for a lay-up. Help the onlookers out.

At least he's happy, though. And he's too cool for school playing ball with Matrix glasses. Wow.

Madonna Seeks Penis

Now this is some true determination. Here Madonna is, right on stage at her concert, beckoning for cock! She doesn't wait to get off stage. She has her urge, and she just sits down and opens up! I admire your bravery and your willingness to say what you want. Skank. Now close your 5000-year-old labias before a scarab pops out.

Case of the Stares Special: 2 for the Price of One!

Nothing is funnier than celebrities who stare off into the distance for the cameras. It's not a cute look. But it makes me wonder where these people are looking, what they are looking at, and why.

Is Hayden giving that glare to the guy who spelled her tattoo wrong? Is Ashley laughing at Pete over his baby dick pics from his Sidekick? I wonder, I wonder.

There's Nothing Under Your Hands!

That's right, laugh, Lily Allen. We are laughing, too, at the thought that you actually believe you have breast to cover up. You do need to cover up that board of yours though. Maybe if you work out they'll be a little protusion?

New Tag: "pancake booty".

True Life: I Married for Money

Don't tell me CoCo looked at Ice-T and said, "I think he's a nice guy". No, she's a golddigger. Someone of her physical caliber could get with almost any guy she wanted to, but she settled for Ice-T. She'll suck dick for money, and that's a fact.

Saggy chesticles are on full display!

Question: Who's boobs are bigger? Leave your thoughts!

David Spade Sucks

Because of this. Has anyone seen this guy around lately? His career is gagging for air. What will he do for attention?

Beer Chin

There is really no comment for this. Just a new tag: "Greatest Hits: Mischa Barton". Congrats.

OK, But Seriously, WTF

I wouldn't be anywhere near his body, let alone sticking my nose in his sweat crevasses. Not acceptable. What if it smelled good though? He would've fooled everyone. That would be some sick shit.

Proof that ugliness does not have to come from Hollywood. There are fucked up people everywhere. This is a true bodyrug.

Mindfuck: The Camera Adds Ten Tons

What the fuck has Kevin Federline been doing with his life? Eating the money he got from his divorce settlement? This is intense. Fat as fuck. No lie. Didn't think this was possible in so little time. What a shame. *smh*

He is working the K-Mart fashions, though. Oversized white T, pleated long khaki shorts. This is a mess. My prayers go out to your family. This is true mindfuck.

Supplying Us With Ample Arsenal

Courtney Love's melanin seeps onto the sidewalk as she stumples to a location that she isn't completely aware of. Let the tags do the talking.

Granny Panty Wedgy

OK, I know that's not how you spell wedgy, but it looks cool with all the words ending in y. Now for the real problem: the only time the straps of your underwear should be exposed is if they are a thong. Actually, that isn't even really an excuse, but a thong is better than having your high-rise granny tights popping out of your jeans. I don't even understand where you would find underwear that reach up and above your love handles. You must have something to hide.

Brownie Points to the person who guesses who these side straps belong to:

At Least She Shaved

Simply put, Chastity Bono is fucking disgusting. How do you fight stereotypes of lesbian woman being heavy set, having short hair cuts, and looking like middle-aged men? Oh, yes! You encompass all of those stereotypes in yourself. This is just disgusting. Like, that's all I can say *barf*.

Tabitha is looking ugly as fuck in the background as well. Thank God she does hair and not makeup! She might make you look like she does!

Bigfoot Spotted

Oh, wait. Seems Amy Winehouse has broken free from the rehab clinic. It's gonna take about 4 men to fend off her crack rock-induced fit of strength. I hope they catch her before she reaches London and knocks down Big Ben. That would be sad.

She does seem like she's on a mission, though. Anyone have any idea of where she is booking it to and how we can warn the citizens of said location?

Alert: Put Your Titties Away

We are going back in time to relive the good days, where Lil Kim had even less shame and moral construct than she does now. Blond weave, plastic-surgery-wound-cover-up makeup, botoxed lips, messy armpits, TIG OLE BITTIES, and a slut piercing. Where are folks with the balls to do this these days? Lil Kim has proven that the term "Chesticles" can apply to "women" (if that's what you call this) as well.

The only thing funnier than her is all the people in the background trying to catch a glance at just what the fuck this crazy-ass skank walked in the damn building wearing. Kudos, Kim! We can't take our eyes off of you. Even though we want to.

Parents: Hide the Children.

I'll let the tags do the talking.

Jon Gosselin Has A Mistress

Down-Syndrome-Baby Gosselin found an attention whore ruthless enough to date him in public for undisclosed amounts of money. Ugly douchebags are pretty bad, but people who willingly date them for camera time are just sinful. You are not cute either! I'm making two new tags to commemorate the whores of this post: "Greatest Hits: Down Syndrome Baby Gosselin" and "I'll suck your dick for a cheesburger". Congrats!

PS: For the love of God, could middle-aged, overweight people stop wearing Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier? It barely works for attractive people.

Harry Potter Stars Make Big Mistakes


Emma Watson is completely cute until you look down. Why is she wearing those tap dancing shoes? Save it, Bojangles. Hope you kept the receipt.... Besides, your feet look like they hurt. The way they are bunched up in those hard-ass character shoes reminds me of Chinese foot-binding techniques. Don't be a victim, Emma! You need to be able to walk when you come to my school this fall!


OK, Emma, you did well here. But what is going on with the goons on your sides? Midgety Daniel Radcliffe pulled out his 3-button pimp/church suit. And Rupert... are those mountain boots?

Never thought I'd see people trying to rock Lugz/the North Face on the red carpet. Not a good look.

Can't wait to see your movie!