Friday, June 26, 2009

Stop Staring At Me, Harry

Is this supposed to be sexy? Well it's not. It's creepy. Like JRM creepy. Scroll down for more on that.

Can't wait for your movie, Daniel! July 15th: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

Perez is a Fool, says Matthew Shepard Foundation

According to a letter from the Matthew Shepard Foundation, Perez's use of the word "faggot" is contradictory to the goals and standards of the organization, so they won't be accepting any donations from him. Read on:

" The Matthew Shepard Foundation was surprised to learn this morning via media reports that blogger Perez Hilton (Mario Lavandeira) has announced he plans to donate, to our organization, the proceeds of a lawsuit he is contesting over an altercation which has been widely reported in recent days.

We had no advance notice or contact from Mr. Hilton or his representatives regarding this proposal, nor any communication since he posted this plan to his website.

We do not know the details of the lawsuit, whether it has been filed, the nature of his claims or the likely outcome. But because the lawsuit presumably involves the physical attack prompted by Mr. Hilton's admitted use of an anti-gay slur, the Foundation will be unable to accept any funds obtained in such a manner.

We very much appreciate the generosity of the offer to support our continuing work to memorialize Matthew through activism in defense of sexual minorities and in favor of understanding, compassion, and acceptance. But because so much of our work involves education to reduce the use of hateful language against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, or those so perceived, it would be inappropriate for us to benefit financially from circumstances in which such a verbal attack was involved.

While we applaud Mr. Hilton's apology to the LGBT community and their loved ones for his use of such a slur, we also feel compelled to point out that use of epithets can often lead to physical violence, as it appears it may have in this case, and that the Matthew Shepard Foundation has worked for more than 10 years to bring to people's attention the consequences of hateful or inolerant language.

Judy Shepard
Chair, MSF Governing Board"

Serves him right! I knew I wasn't the only one who thought that this guy was just too wrong to defend during his sexual, ehem, physical abuse case against Polo, manager of the Black Eyed Peas. Keep fighting the war!

Attack of the Pregnant Oompa-Loompa

The result of too much bronzer, too much country music, and too much Carl's Jr. is evident in this blindly bright beach blond tanned Jessica Simpson. First of all, stop eating, Jessica. You are still famous because of your beauty, and you owe it to your fans to stop putting out country albums, and start, well, putting out. It's what got you that ex-husband of yours. Second, lay off the bronzer and the hair dying: when that bleach stains your hair green and that bronzer tints your skin orange, the only jobs you will get will be as extras in Willy Wonka movies. Do you want that? No. And neither do I.

Hollywood Tuna lets us in on the debacle that is her dress. We have no comment to release on that at this point.

Fake Plastic Kabbalah Bangers

This is the fakest thing I think I have ever seen. PhotoShop can work wonders, but it can't turn a 50 year old sag-fest into a 20 year old Lolita virgin blowdoll. Conspiracy theory: this sculpture was stolen from the Wax Museum in Times Square. Louis Vuitton, you are a thief!

And when are you going to retire that monogram, LV? I could print that pattern on wallpaper and plaster it across my room for less than it would cost to get that fugly bag.

Does anyone else think her fingers look like Vienna sausages? Nom nom nom nom.

Nothing Cute About This, Katy.

There is really nothing appetizing, sexy, or acceptable about a woman wearing a pizza while lying in a tub. It's not edgy. It's not cute. It's just disgusting. And that pizza is getting all cold and soggy on your lipo-ed tummy when it could be feeding Somali children. What a shame.


Who says the crack epidemic is over? Flavor Flav and his latest binge-mate/lady of the night had the audacity to tarnish the roads of Beverly Hills. Flavor was probably looking to console himself after not being allowed to enter the premises. Apparently MJ said the only monkey allowed on the premises was Bubbles. So sad, since Flavor and Bubbles are almost indistinguishable. Well, Bubbles looks like she eats.

I'm sure they were arrested eventually. After picking up this hooker from South Central, Flavor Flav headed up to Beverly Hills to do some drug-induced window shopping (not even VH1 could get him out of debt and pay all of his child support bills; they would have to file for bankruptcy). I'm sure the police were able to follow the trail of crack rocks to their final destination and scrub the sidewalks of Rodeo Drive in time for the Real Housewives to do their daily shopping binge... it's a drug too, you know.

Good riddance.

Cornrows Take Time to Finish

How dare the police come popping into the crackhouse while this poor young criminal was trying to get his hair did? This is just unfortunate. Homie can't be looking all half-did while in jail! He'll be made someone's bitch as soon as he boards the bus to Sing Sing.

While I feel so bad for the man arrested mid-taming, I feel even worse for the woman/man-who-wants-to-be-a-woman who was braiding his hair for his/her/its next crack binge. Damn police shackled him up before he could toss you a vial! And taming the damn cotton plantation on his head while steadying your withdrawal-induced hand shivers must've been so trying! And the braids are so straight! I'll pray for you.
Follow the link below for more info on where Marcus T. Bailey is so he can slip you a tubule as you slip him a 5.

God Bless America!

Parents: hide the children.

Heroin Has Bad Effects On You

This is sad for so many reasons. The man in the picture doesn't even realize that there is a camera flashing in front of him. DXM has ill effects, it would seem. Poor guy. Someone get him some detox.

And get two doses for the girl. Assuming it is a girl. Deep in the back of your mind you are thinking, "if I stare long enough, I'm pretty sure that's a man in a wig". That's because it might be. The jawline, the man hands, and the sloppy, weave-esque hair. It all screams pre-op tranny.

This remains proof that ugliness can and does exist outside of the realm of celebrities. Though both of these people could benefit from a session of "Celebrity Rehab". It worked for Danny Bonaduce.

Couldn't Agree More! Sorry, Aditi!

Shave That Nasty Shit

This is appalling for too many reasons to count. I swear to God I saw a ghetto black lady with his beard on her head. And guess what, he's the first place winner!

Did you know that you can win recognition and awards for having nasty, dyed gross shit like this coming out of your face? It's called the World Beard and Moustache Championships, and if you visit the website at the bottom of this post, you can relish in the hairy, beastly nastiness. God, if that's what his face looks like, well, oh god *BARFS*.

Please continue to keep your shirt on.

Parents: hide the children.

Keep Her Clothes On!

Why would you ever want to strip search this girl? I'm not saying she didn't deserve it, but, when you see her and then think "now I have to see her naked", do you not gag and barf silently? If I were a security guard, I couldn't care if she had the whole nation of Columbia shoved up her ass crack, I would never want to see any pale, milky, prepubescent sagging, ever. I would take her fucking word for it and pray it pops out her ass crack and falls down her pants leg while she walks by us.

She sounds like a nice girl, though. However, strip searching and fat pre-teens should never go together. Unless you like it like that.

Busted Twins Alert!

Alert! Alert! I've discovered busted twins. Ugliness is lethal on it's own, but when we are ambushed with two of them, it can cause damage of apocalyptic proportions. These boys were featured on The Sartorialist (link's in the blogroll, bitches), and from the likes of it, based on their keen and respectable senses of style, they discovered early on that they would have to make up for their looks with their clothing.

But even the best matched shirt-jacket combination can't hide what's happening on those mugs. Those peanut heads are the first problem, but really it isn't over the top until the eyes come into play. Those are simply dangerous. They scream former, and possibly current, drug addict. They could be packing a gram in each of the bags under their eyes. Hmm, that's convenient.... I'll take note of that for later.

And the pimple on the left hand twin's giant chrome dome does him no justice. At all.

At least they put on lotion. I hate ashy bastards.

The Great Ones - MJ and FF

You will always been the King of Pop, nose or not. We will miss you and your music sorely. RIP.

Farrah, your beauty, smile, and on-screen grace are iconic. You are unforgettable. RIP.

How does the world lose two great stars? Why can't some of the ugliness die, instead of this greatness? Ugh. Devastating.