Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Another Year of Skankiness


The reason I have always loved Lil' Kim is that she will walk into the Oscars with just coins taped onto her nipples, and then talk in a delightful, petite voice with perfect grammar. If you are gonna dress like a dominatrix/whore, you need to be talking to the way you rap. "WANNA BUMBLE WITH THE BEE, HUH? BUZZZZZZZ." Do you remember those days? Where her voice made you think this bitch would kill you if she saw you not staring at her titties? Those were the days.

Well, I think people should be pleased to know that Lil' Kim might not sound the same, but she still has the sluttiest, most abhorrent taste in clothing. This is the outfit she wore to her birthday celebration recently! Now let's run down the check list:

Fucked Up Weave? Check.
Stereotypically Overbearing Bling? Check.
Breasts Worn as an Accessory, and not a Body Part? Check.
Pantyhose Above The Panties? Check.
Bra That Is Both Under- and Overwear? Check.
Xena, Warrior Princess-inspired skirt? Check.
90s Hooker Heels? Check.

She's never been whorier. Happy belated birthday, Kim. And I know you are my mother's husband's cousin, so you need to stop fronting and come give me an autograph. I love you. Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

God Bless America!