Monday, July 6, 2009

Wax and Plastic Take Over!

Kathy Griffin wanted to break the news to Joan Rivers herself! Seen here speaking to either Joan Rivers or Joan Rivers's wax statue (both have surprised expressions on their faces at all times), that she will be hosting her Comedy Central Roast this August!

Will you be watching this? I sure will. I love the roasts and I watch all of them. Besides, I want to see if Comedy Central's special effects team can figure out a way to add expressions to the faces of Joan Rivers and all of her plastic friends. Now that will be a real site... might take more CGI than Transformers.

And the irony, Kathy just got a little fake herself! Seen here with her recently sculpted wax figure. I didn't know Kathy was famous enough to have an effigy of herself made out of easily destroyed, recyclable... oh wait. You totally earned it, Kat!

Fail Blog Hits Us With the Best!

Padma Lakshmi after not being on Top Chef for a few months:
fail owned pwned pictures

An advertisement sponsored by the BET Awards:

fail owned pwned pictures

Seen outside the Time Square MTV Studios:
fail owned pwned pictures

Thank you for this!

Chris Brown Finds a New Punching Bag

And she's bald and big, so he won't feel like he's hitting a woman. Because he isn't. Sources say they saw Man-ber Rose and Chris Brown canoodling at Diddy's white party, where the best of the second-best flocked to Beverly Hills for precious camera time.

Amber's golden egg head reminds me of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. or Maybe lemonheads. Or Lunelle. Yes, Lunelle. That's what Amber is going to look like in... 3 weeks.

Beware, Chris Breezy. Man-ber Rose will hit you back.

Titty McTitTits

AKA Rihanna. What better way to say "my previous boyfriend can't come within 50 feet of me because he rearranged my facial features but now I'm single!" than having your boobs and their metallic nipple plates hanging out at a special gala? There is no better way!

She got her reconstructive cranio-facial plastic surgery, and while she was up there, got a boob job, and then had some botox, and then had snowflake Christmas ornaments sewn onto her areolas. Sounds like a plan to me!

You are hot, but your a skankhead for this one, RiRi.

The Real Reason the Divorce is Imminent.

Because Kate realized she married an unfaithful Down Syndrome victim.

Being retarded is one thing, looking retarded is another, and cheating while doing both is just downright sinful.

And you're fat.


(Jon Gosselin is seen here holding fireworks, which were later aimed at his wife.)

Basement Jaxx Mindfucks Me

Basement Jaxx

When I first saw this I had a hot flash. Fucked my whole life apart.

Basement Jaxx, keep your fetishes to yourself! We don't need you getting on stage and fucking the minds of little kids!

Parents: hide the children.

Speidi Makes You Wish You Were From Canada

I find it dispicable that Heidi and Spencer would hop into a marathon, in front of hundreds of dying runners, just for a photo op. Talk about literally ruining the 4th of July for all of America.

Everyone else is ashen, exasperated, gasping for air, and *POOF!*. Dropped in on a rope ladder from a pink helicopter comes perfectly tanned Heidi and Spencer, ready to bless an otherwise drab looking vista with their wonderful tanning-booth-and-botox-born beauty! Not.

Heidi's boobs and Spencer's gelled up mane can't take the heat and energy of running, jogging, or even simple things like walking in the sun. You can rest assured that as soon as this was snapped, their harness wires tugged at them and they were blissfully wisked away from the "ugly normals".

Surprised no one saw them at a Gay Pride Parade. Maybe it's because they know that the gays have enough energy to catch up to them and slap them. Then give them makeovers.

I Know I took a Little 4th of July Break But....

I'm back. And I've got plenty of ugliness for you to love. Let's start with the one and only Lady Buttsexxx, aka Lady GaGa. You already know what the fuck is up.

BAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Did this not scare you? Cuz it spooked the fuck out of me! The double layered Yoko Ono sunglasses really did me in, until I looked a little closer and what did I see? SHARPIE BROWS!!!! Those are drawn on, if you didn't notice.

This is just scary. It's fake on the top, whore on the bottom, and nothing cute anywhere to be found. Plus that bag has "99 cent discount store" written all over it.

Go get your split ends fixed. And take all that extra fabric off your shirt and cuffs. You have numerous blankets sewn onto your titties right now! Think of the children!!!

I think Lady Buttsexxx has had enough ugliness in her life to get her own tag.

"Greatest Hits: Lady Buttsexxx"