Sunday, November 29, 2009

Alert: Dead Wrong. Literally.

Now, I have seen some fucked up things in my life as well as the fake life I lead on the internet (you do it too, so don't judge), but this shit takes the cake by far. This was shown to me by a friend named Malik, and boy, is it offensive, disgusting, horrifying, and downright ugly.

As if black people needed another set back in the movement toward proving that we are a competent, useful race of human beings, these 10-16 year olds decided to undo Rosa Parks's work and shake their underdeveloped (or in the case of a few, shockingly overdeveloped) asses over peoples graves. What kinda ignorant country shit is this? And why, despite it all being way too horrible, do I laugh hysterically everytime the beat kicks in?

One bitch is galloping, one bitch is shaking her legs hoping the energy waves travel to her non-existent ass cheeks, one bitch just turned 10, and one bitch is a dude. When you figure out which one it is, you'll probably gasp. If you do, retweet this post or some shit and show me some love.

And when they start laying down on the graves... well, you'll just have to see for yourself. Thank the heavens that our nation allows us access to videos like this.

God Bless America!

Parents: Hide the Children.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Mindfuck: This Isn't Just Ugly, It's Scary, Pathetic, Deluded, and Downright Sloppy.

Welcome to the Hatred edition of Recent. Ugliness. Take a look at this documentary. Try not to barf, laugh, scoff, get angry, have a stroke, etc. within the first five minutes. If that hasn't fucked your mind into a million tiny pieces, set aside some time to watch this documentary from BBC on the inner workings of the Westboro Baptist Church.

There isn't much I can say about this without getting vehemently upset, but I don't think there is a better modern example of how one man can brainwash his family into justifying hatred AND being shocked when the hatred is redirected back at them. It's stunning, but definitely worth watching.

Sorry to not be funny and really poop on what could've been a great day for you, but I felt this is something that everyone should see.

Shit is pathetic.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tip of the Day: And You Guys Thought I Was Mean...

Picture of manboobYou're never too young for a mustache!Those brazilians really know how to cook a mustache

If looking at these manboobs or female mustaches makes you feel happy that you are still aesthically pleasing, then do yourself a favor and visit and It's the best thing you can do for yourself at this point in time, to be honest with you.

Parents: Hide the Children.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Alert: This Shit is Just Messy.

Here is a special contribution from a friend named Eva. Pay close attention to how many times Kate Bush looks like she is simply about to give up halfway through her choreography... yet she reluctantly musters on through her shrill, wide-eyed tirade.

My biggest pet peeves are when she stumbles through her spins as if she dropped a small item and is frantically searching for it... before she gives up and continues her shrill, wide-eyed tirade, of course. Also, when the bitch simply won't go away at the end, and just stands there, appearing and reappearing while frantically swaying in the wind like she just caught the holy ghost, that shit really ticks me off. Like Eva said, we know that with the budget this cheap-ass video was made on, all Kate Bush did was sway, step back, sway, step back, etc. They plugged the video into Microsoft Porthole (it was a long time ago...) and used Paint to erase her backstepping. The result is this.

Oh, the 80s. How dear you are to us all.

God Bless America!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Yay: Sammy Sosa Does NOT Have Vitiligo. He Just Wants To Be White. *Phew*

Well, this is very relieving. Turns out that all the buzz about Sammy Sosa's lightened pigmentation is not such a big deal after all. His family and colleagues say that the lighter complexion is simply associated with bad lighting when the photo was taken. According to them, the retired baseball player was bitching about how old he was getting (he's 40 now) and decided to take a "skin rejuvenation" process. ...Right. It's called skin whitining, and black bitches have been doing it for years now. I don't know what happened to Sammy's though. I guess the nigra-color removers had adverse effects when mixed with the anabolic steroids oozing out of Sosa's pores, because the bitch doesn't look white. He just looks ashy, or simply terrified, like someone told him that they're naming a wing of the Hall of Fame for steroid users after him. Not that it wouldn't be appropriate.

Better yet, Sosa looks like he just came back from retirement the dead (same thing in the eyes of America). Have you ever seen any of those George A. Romero movies? Dawn of the Dead? Day of the Dead? Dead of the Dead? (Sometimes I think they are all the same....) Yeah, Sosa could def be the ringleader of all of them zombie fuckers. It would work out perfectly because he has way too many performance-enhancing drugs in him to be considered a sentient being, but boy is that buff motherfucker still kicking!

In the end, Sammy Sosa would've gotten a post on this blog at one point or another, though. When you look like that, you can consider Recent. Ugliness. your new home.

And we are oh-so-glad to welcome you.


K-Fed has been spending his back-owed child support money on Fat Macs, it would appear. Seems like big-ass t-shirts are the only things that fit this once-talented back-up dancer. Who is the bitch next to him? Is she responsible for showing him where his dick is? Cuz you know he can't find that shit anymore it's so damn deep in there. Can't blame the dick though: it's getting cold and you might as well retreat into the warmth of warring adipose that makes up K-Fed's FUPA.

Who else would've loved seeing K-Fat on that Oxygen network show, "Get Up and Dance Your Fat Ass Off, You Fat Ass" "Dance Your Ass Off"? That would've been to die for. Well other than a heart attack... at this rate, that's what K-Fed will die for.

PS: In great proof that hickness cannot be phased out, K-Fed wore a symbol of his trailer trash tribulations with Britney: camo sneakers. How low can one get? And I know those sneakers are screaming for dear mercy as K-Fed's gorilla feet squeeze all the air out of them. I can hear it now... "Help! Help! Oh, lord... shit, just kill me now. OW! Just do it."

Yes, that was a slogan pun.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Emma Watson drinking

Emma Watson drinking

I knew it! I knew Emma Watson was a Mexican party girl at heart, guzzling her Coronas for the camera. Some people say she was simply posing with a beer, but a) that's stupid because she knows how much shit her coked-up publicist would give her for that, and b) bitch likes to get crunk like every other college person. She should've come to Columbia, instead going to that hippie school up in Providence, RI. I don't think she can handle the perpetual weed smog cloud that hangs over College Hill over there. She could've been getting buck in the middle of Broadway if the bitch had even a tad more common sense. What a shame.

Parents: hide the children before they figure out that Hermoine likes her BAC to teeter past legal.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Mindfuck: Craigslist Will Be the Death of You.

What he wrote:

-Dark chocolate complexion
-Tall, athletic stature
-Bedroom eyes
-Luscious, kissable lips
-Unique, attractive style
-Defined bone structure
-Aspiring model

What you saw through your peephole:

There's nothing quite like online dating.

God Bless America!

Undergut: Evolution.

Scott Speedman apparently didn't get the memo. Just because you have one franchise that seems to go pretty well at the box office doesn't mean that you can give up on your career afterward. Seeing as to how it was your chiseled looks that got you where you are today, I would suggest that you go back to the drawing board and think about how you will go back to eating more Keri Russell (it's been a few years for you both, hasn't it?) and less Roy Rogers. Besides, you look like Robert Buckley (below), and he still has his ab game intact, so don't let that horrendous actor put you on the unemployment line because then your gut will be bloated from emaciation, and since you're not from a third world country, no one will believe you when you say it wasn't your fault.

Not that Americans are apt to help starving people anyway.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Chris Brown Has Given Up On Being Creative.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Chris Brown's cover for his newest album, "Graffiti". This is a hot ass mess. First of all, Chris Brown is mean-mugging a bunch of cartoon characters. He seems so upset, as if the cartoon characters are stealing his shine. And, of course, what does Chris Brown do when he is angry? He grabs the nearest blunt object he can find, calls up his criminal lawyer, and prepares himself for another domestic abuse case. He's used to it by now. 

I find it hysterical that both Breezy and Adam Lambert got lazy and used the same stock photo as their album cover background (see below). They also used the same queen-y, flame-boy-ant shiny silver font for their album names. Where is the creativity, people? And he is wearing Beyonce's robot arm from the Single Ladies video, which is cute on her, but creepy (and possibly a dangerous weapon) on Chris Brown. This is a no-no.

Do you play guitar, Chris Brown? Do you play any instrument other than AutoTune? I don't think so. Hint, hint, Chris: you hold the guitar in front of you when you play it. There. That should make it easier. And you might find it easier to walk in those boots if you actually tied them up. You don't want that glittery font to drip inside your boots, because you know damn well that when you bend over to clean it up your tight ass pants are going to rip and Rihanna's written testimony is going to pop out of your ass where you tried to hide it.