Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Hot Topic: Gay-for-Pay? Does it really exist?

So I don't know if you are secretly obsessed with ghetto-ass Tyra, her ghetto booty, and her ghetto Emmy Award-winning day time talk show (which apparently isn't edited because this bitch is always stumbling over words and slipping into random fits of ebonics... Tyra we know you're from ghetto ass Inglewood but you're not gonna get Oprah's fan base by recommending which dollar store handbag give you the most bang for your buck+tax. Or by being on the CW.), one of the hottest episodes of this season, as evidenced by the over 500,000 views the corresponding YouTube videos got (isn't it scary that more 500,000 people went out of their way hear crazy-ass Tyra's tyra-ades?), was an episode on straight actors who do gay porn, affectionately referred to as Gay-for-Pay. I've seen this episode twice, and if there is one thing for certain, Tyra and her predominantly ignorant, female, ghetto, and black/latino (I feel like I'm being redundant) audience were not big fans of the people who took time to come on her show. I bet they told all the gay men that usually populate the audience to go invade Maury's studio so a mass orgy wouldn't break out on stage. Or, taking a good look at the size of that monster, on Tyra's forehead ass ego. Anyway, the result of the episode, which you should take a look at below, is Tyra and her femi-nazi hoodrat audience being extremely condescending towards the guys.

So the overarching debate that exists is... IS IT POSSIBLE THAT A STRAIGHT MAN COULD HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN?

Well, let's think. Can a stripper be celibate? Can a straight female stripper dance for women? Can a straight male stripper dance for men? Can a gay man have sex with women? Could a lesbian have sex with a man? Can a straight girl do lesbian porn? Better yet, how many straight girls do lesbian porn? Do you have to feel a physical attraction towards someone in order to have sex with them? I wonder, I wonder....

I like to think of things from a technical point of view. Men get boners for no reason. It's true. Trust me. That being said and commonly known, it is safe to say that man can become erect without having to be specifically turned on by the things they are attracted to. Now, sex feels good. Technically speaking, your dick doesn't know the difference between a girl's throat, a guy's ass or your own hand. As long as it feels good, the dick is happy.

So, keeping the idea of dick-happiness in mind, I don't see how people can say that such a phenomenon as gay-for-pay doesn't exist. I think the big problem is that people need to learn to separate and differentiate between sex, sexual attraction, and emotional attraction. Sex is just something people do, because it feels good and it feels instinctual. If a straight guy can plug an ugly chick and her ugly puss just because he's horny, even though he feels no attraction towards her, he can definitely plug a guy because he's horny, even if he feels no attraction towards him. If a straight girl can fuck around with another girl just to impress a guy, then a straight guy can still get with a dude and be straight... right?

Second of all, the people you have sex with, while often correlated to one's own sexual orientation, is not the be all and end all of one's sexual orientation. If this were true, gay men who live their lives without acting on their homosexual impulses, get married and live their lives as straight, all the while lusting for men, would be considered straight. Would you say that a man who has never been with a man, has a wife and kids, gets to his deathbed and finally says "I've been lying. I'm a gay man." (with an incredibly raspy voice because he's been smoking Kool cigarettes for years, like someone I know... dot dot dot.) has to be straight just because of his actions? Probably not. Now would you say that a gay man who has sex with women for money has to be straight, or at least bi? Of course you wouldn't. So why does then does a straight man who has sex with a man for money have to be gay, or at least bi? One could screw the opposite/same gender all his/her life, and if it's not the gender one feels a sexual attraction and emotional attraction to, that person is simply screwing despite his orientation. How this could not apply to both spectrums of sexual orientation is beyond me.

Scientifically speaking, an innumerable amount of men have reported watching porn, masturbating (or more), and doing other homoerotic things with other guys when they are younger, yet go on to have no real sexual attraction to men in the future. This is scientific fact, so please don't try to negate this with your opinion. This is just another example of how physical pleasure and sexual attraction are often mistaken for one another, instead of being noted as two interconnected things.

Second of all, almost everybody has a price. Doing my "research" (ehem... *blushes while being black so no one can see it*) on the porn business, I have learned the amenities of even an average, or new, gay porn star doing amateur work. These guys get flown out to beautiful parts of the country, namely Miami, LA, and San Francisco, roomed up in some of the best hotels, work for a few days, get paid 1000s of bucks for an onscreen orgasm, and then are flown home. They literally pay for nothing... not even a cab to and from the airport. They work a few hours tops each day then go off to explore the city they were just able to travel to for free. Now I'm not advocating porn, but I think there are a lot more straight guys than one is willing to admit that would be down to do something for a certain price. Straight guys were recently interviewed on the street being asked, "Would you suck a dick for 1500 bucks?" and their replies were "1500 is not enough". NOT ENOUGH? WHAT IS ENOUGH? YOU MEAN THAT FOR ENOUGH MONEY, YOU WOULD CONSIDER IT? How about 5000 bucks, a free ride to San Francisco, and connections to more studios that will pay more and more money? Now a straight guy with no cash, whether he is willing to openly admit it or not, would strongly consider that, even if he didn't act on it. So if a straight guy does it he must be gay, but if a straight guy only considers it, he can still be straight? Interesting.

I think the reason that people think that someone can't have sex with a gender he/she is not attracted to is because straight males make such an effort to assert and enforce their straightness. Most straight guys are absolutely offended when asked if they are gay (as if the "straight" clothes, hair, walk, voice, etc. that they make an effort to show off aren't doing the job), try to avoid anything that seems "gay" (which in itself, is quite illogical), and all around give the impression that homosexuality is so far from what they could ever be. This makes women, and other men, but mostly women, think that no straight man could possibly bring himself to do anything with a man. But listen up, women! What men say and do and what they think are and always will be, two different things. Don't let the macho-ness fool you, because unless they think being gay is a sin or a disease (douches), they probably look at homosexuality in a different light than they say they do. And they probably do it to impress you. How sweet.

Now I'm not saying every straight man in the history of the world would have sex with men for money. Nor am I saying that a certain amount of money is guaranteed to get a straight guy in bed. Or the couch. Or the kitchen. Damn. Anyway. All I am saying is that when you are horny, young, good-looking (and you know it), broke, and looking to get through college or just make ends meet , then being paid thousands to weekend in Miami while getting a BJ (from someone who happens to be a man) suddenly sounds a bit irresistible.

I'm just saying.... For 50 bucks, a bottle of Patron, and some antibacterial mouthwash, I'd probably lick your puss. Does that make me straight?

But only if the price is right.








Is It Just Me, Or is Amber Rose Absolutely Disgusting?




I mean, if this is your forte, then by all means, go for it. Do what you like to do. But in all honesty, there is nothing appealing about milk-dud heads and Thriller contacts. At least not to me. Kanye is all over that shit.

Anyone else have a problem with Amber Rose wearing Xena's chakrams as earrings? Bitch could swing her head while giving head and chop off Kanye West's minuscule nutsack. Then we would all join arm in arm and sing "How could you so nutless?" whenever his music came on.

And while she's emasculating Kanye West more than Kanye West himself did at the VMAs, I hope that chakram whips back and chops off the ugly bitch's head. Or at least her dick-sucking lips, which take up a disproportionate amount of her face.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Best of the '09 VMAs: Kanye West Ruins Taylor Swift's Life and Lady GaGa Ruins Everyone Else's



Kanye West makes his opinion known. And Taylor Swift's ass is dead silent. Like someone just slapped the fuck out of her. Or at least that's a good equivalent. Too bad Kanye didn't win anything all night (which I thought was a bit unfair), because shit would've hit the fan so hard Pink's trapeze-flipping ass would've gotten slapped by a mud pie in mid-air.



By the end of Lady Buttsexxx's "artistic" performance, I was crying. I don't know why, but this is complete rape of the senses. Mindfuck. Alert. You name it. This is very well as ridiculous as it gets. I thought that bitch ahd a quick stroke in mid-air. She was so... still. Very scary. And when she is playing piano, she looks like she's possessed by a epileptic hermaphrodite.


And this, my friends, is why I watch this bizarr-o ass crazy shit every fucking year.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Mindfuck: Lady GaGa Needs to Trim Her GaGa



In what world is this attractive? I take pity for the man, woman, or domesticated animal that finds a pink pube bush attractive. Lady GaGa reinforces one thing: she's disgusting. And a hermy.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Sept. 1st Tip of the Day: What Not to Do With Cocoa Butter.

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Well, if you are Steve Harvey, or look like Steve Harvey, or are black and bald... and old, you should not rub it all over your exposed upper body. Actually, your upper body shouldn't be exposed at all. Dear Mr. Gross Moustache Man, this is really not attractive. Who are trying to court? Why do you have your shirt off? Who recommended that you take your shirt off? Why did you bath in Oompa Loompa syrup? Why are you so shiny? Why are you so happy? Why are you here? As you can tell, my questions are both plentiful and unanswered.

So, my tip for today, in mathematical form to celebrate my going back to school ---> spray tan : cocoa butter :: water : oil

Proceed with caution.

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PS: I know it has been a while but it's time to turn over a new leaf. I've made a location change, a surrounding change, and now I'm back on my feet. So no worries: I'll never leave you alone for more than a week ever again.