Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Mindfuck: Behemoth.

Meet the largest swimsuit model on earth. Her name is Amazon Eve (how primitive), and she is a whopping 6'8". Ew.

Well, I am not going to lie, she is a pretty woman, and if she were say, a foot shorter than her huge monkey ass is, she would probably be fierce as shit. But instead, we are left with this. Now I am not going to say she is ugly, I am just going to simply posit that it might be possible that she is not the most attractive person in the world.

When I first saw these pictures, a few things popped into my head. The first was: wow, people are getting really good at photoshopping freaky ass shit like monster people. The second was: maybe it's a real picture, and that barbaric looking woman is really a man. Hell, it might even be Dennis Rodman under a few layers. But then I realized... this is a woman. A real woman. Who actually exists.

WTF. This Amazon warrior has another full human being just lounging on her back like it's a beach chair. Doesn't it concern anyone that this woman could bodyslam you through the floor, then go to the basement and bodyslam you into the sewer? Hmmm... come to think of it, I could use a bodyguard... I would love to see a jackass try to get tough when this bitch is backing me up. The truth of the matter is: the only thing scarier than a big ass monkey dude is a big ass monkey girl. Case closed.

But to be completely honest, the only reason I would be pissed is because I'd have to smell her Amazonian jungle slice if we stood "face-to-face", and that shit probably smells like durian. No one wants that.

Parents: hide the children.