Monday, July 13, 2009

Jake And Resse Trip in Public

Requiem for a Dream alert: Jake Gyllenhaal and Resse Witherspoon swallowed some cough medicine and were told by their couch to go driving under the influence. Happens every day in Hollywood land, but I bet their now-talking loveseat didn't inform them that paparazzi would be tailing them virtually every fucking place they went. I wouldn't be surprised if the pap had cameras bolted onto the car door. But the druggies didn't notice them. Or the couch told them it wasn't really there. Either way, we got great, flattering pics of the as they drive "spaceship" to "the sun".

Don't trust a hard drug user. You can tell the trippers from their big ass pupils. If you see one of these bug-eyed fuckers doing 80 on the freeway, take a picture too! Then sell it to People Magazine or for 4 million dollars like all the big celebs do to take advantage of their children. Or sell it to me... I'll try to get you a deal at McDonalds.

Alert: Jessica Simpson Eats Her Feelings

I would be stuffing my fat face full of diabetic coma-inducing shit if my boyfriend dumped me the day before my birthday as well. It's OK, Jessica, ice cream, french fries, and McChickens will never let you down. And your weight will never go down either.

I hope some Cheez Whiz makes you feel better. :)

Fat bitch alert!!