Sunday, August 16, 2009

1,000 Unique Page Views in the Last Few Weeks!

Yay, people, Yay! We are spreading! Slowly, of course, but surely! Keep spreading the word! Tell your friends! Let the whole world know about Recent. Ugliness.

Aaaaaaaaaaand.... while you're at it, play with my Twitter at


I'm Totally 35! Don't I Look It?

Answer to the titular question: no, Victoria Beckham, you do not. You look like Margaret Thatcher. Elizabeth Taylor. The Queen of England a couple of decades ago. What do all of these women have in common? THEY DO NOT LOOK 35!!!!!!!

WTF, Victoria? Why do you look so heinously old and worn the fuck out in this picture? I simply do not understand. For someone who is supposed to be all fashionable, divalicious, and *posh* (BAHAHAHAHAHA PUN PUN PUN PUN), you are just too cougarish today. You should know that neither wrinkles nor the five-head are fashion symbols.

Get your shit together.

Edited thanks to fucking Shannon.

Brooke Hogan Tries to Shit On People, Only to Have People Shit Back On Her.

OK, if talking shit about people who's careers are far superior to your own isn't bad enough, then please read what just one of hundreds of Brooke Haters had to say to her via Twitter:

Brodi_Avalon @BrookeHogan . Remember, you can't spell " Brooke Hogan " without " Broke Ho"

OMFG! Does anyone else think this is ridiculously funny as fuck? Dude sent this straight to her! ON TWITTER! If you've ever played with your Twitter, you know that whenever someone says @displayname, the person who's display name you listed automatically receives the message! That means Brooke started playing with her Twitter and discovered a whole lot of hate! Damn. Gotta love it.

That's what happens when you talk shit.


Don't believe me? Read quote, straight from the mouth of Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane:

"We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out. It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.’ But we decided it’s better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he’s a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he’s so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation."


Megan Fox Is Making Complete Sense Right Now

It's time for another episode of, "Wait. Did This Bitch Really Just Let That Bullshit Flow Out of Her Mouth?" The answer to the titular question? Yes. She did. Watch.

Parents: Hide the Children.

KK gets KUed

That's right, Kourtney, we know about you. Maybe you should have taken a page from your sister's book. See, here is Khloe Kardashian taking it in her mouth. That's what you should have done. Maybe then you wouldn't have gotted knocked up (KUed).

Despite what Kim might have told you, it's your throat that leads to your stomach, not your uterus. Poor girl. Have fun with Daddy Disick. Or is it Didick? DickSick? DickMakesMeSick? I'm not quite sure.

Is This Jamie Foxx Naked?


OK, let's discuss this. Is Jamie Foxx really the type of person to take a nude picture of himself at all? We all know that once a person takes a nude picture on his/her phone, it really isn't up to that person whether or not the picture gets around to the public. It's kinda common sense, actually: take nudie, have all of America see nudie, feign embarrassment, repeat. But even if he is the kind of person to do this, is he that buff these days? We all know Jamie is muscular and always have been, but he's never been football player brolic. And even if you make is past that, one major question remains: would a black man of importance in 2009 really consider wearing a du rag? Well, if this really is Jamie Foxx, then shame on you, Jamie! Du Rags are a no-no. That's basic knowledge.


She Lost the Weight... But At What Price?

Here's a recent pic of Mischa Barton, making her 6 millionth appearance on this blog, simply because she can't hold herself together in public. She's been able to keep off the infamous beer chin (See post: Beer Chin), but at what price? She's crack fiending it in public, sucking down the cancer sticks while attempting to keep her greasy hair from being caught aflame. It's a rough life. And that waitress outfit isn't helping anything.

Thank God I made a greatest hits tag for you a long time ago, Beer Chin. It's being put to great use.

Alert: Welcome To The Fiery Pits of Hell

Oh, yeah, baby, we've hit the jackpot. Down Syndrome Baby Gosselin has hit us with the big ones. He's shown us the real reason his wife hates him. The real reason America hates him. It's the pits. The dirty, stinky, funky, nasty, ugly pits, born from the recesses of Down Syndrome hell. How utterly disgusting.

Keep it coming, Jon. You make this toooooooo easy.

Few Creatures Turn Me On Like This Thing Does

Yum. I would love to run my tongue all over her freckly, porous, and bumpy chesticles. And please, bring that brachial gelatin closer to my face! I'm turned on just thinking about it.

But on a more serious note, let's play a game called "How I Know Your Hair Is Fake":

Your eyebrows don't match.
The hair color on top of your hair doesn't match the hair color next to your head.
I can tell clip-on weave when I see it, boo boo. Tell me how you have a small amount of straight hair on top of your head, and tons of curly interlocked weave behind your head!

If you can't tell, I just went on a complete binge of You should do the same.